Alive
by Kavi Leighanna
Summary: The worst of circumstances creates the strongest bonds. JJ/Rossi
1. Prologue

_**This is a spin off to Three Years' Deal, but you really don't have to read that first. Which would be why I'm posting the prologue now! I'm only a few chapters away from ending Three Years', so I figured it was time for a teaser!**_

* * *

**Alive  
**

**PROLOGUE**

JJ blinked her eyes open groggily, the entire room spinning and foggy. She groaned as she tried to roll away from the bright lights and found she couldn't.

"Jen? Jen, come on honey. Are you awake?"

"Dave?"

"Oh thank God."

She wrinkled her brow as she blinked her eyes open again at the intense relief in his voice. "What's going on?" She tried to sit up, then gasped in surprise and pain and dropped back to the bed. "What's wrong with me?"

"Honey, you need to relax, okay?" Dave pleaded, coming up and taking her hand. "You're in the hospital."

"Hospital? Why? What's going on?"

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what?" JJ said, her voice rising. "Dave, what the hell is going on?"

"You were in a car accident," he told her softly.

"Car accident?"

"You were going out with Will?"

JJ nodded slowly, the events coming back to her. They were driving home, going through an intersection when a car had hit them. "Where's Will?"

Dave's eyes looked utterly pained as he gripped her hand tighter. "He didn't make it, Jen"

She looked up at him, eyes bleary. "What? No."

He knew what was coming next. Logically, it had to come next, but there was no way to prepare for it. A million worse case scenarios couldn't prepare him for the wail that came out of JJ's mouth.

"You're lying," she screamed, trying to get up. "You're lying to me!"

"I'm not, Jen. I'm so, so sorry."

"No! David Rossi you tell me the truth right now! Where is Will?"

The nurses came in then, both to check on the commotion and the patient that had obviously woken up. Dave had no choice but to step back and let them do their work, one of them calling for a sedative. His eyes fluttered shut as he waited for the nurses to finish and for the drugs to take effect.

JJ kept yelling at him. "You're lying to me!"

He wished he was.

* * *

_**Let me know what you think, especially since this is JJ/Rossi. I'd appreciate it!**_


	2. Chapter 1

**Alive  
**

**CHAPTER ONE**

Dave ran a hand through his hair as he stood looking out of the window in JJ's hospital room. Watching as the nurses had sedated JJ had been one of the worst experiences of his life, close to the phone call that had notified him she had been in an accident that had killed her husband. The very last person who deserved to go through this kind of pain and grief that would plague her next few months was Jennifer Jareau.

His cell phone started dancing in his pocket and he immediately looked to JJ, trying to ascertain if the sound was loud enough to wake her. The caller ID said Garcia. Dave ignored the call.

"You know that won't stop her from finding out how her precious gum drop is doing."

Dave's head shot up at Emily's quiet voice. She was in the doorway, sliding a large tote off of her shoulder. He was used to her carrying some sort of large bag these days, mostly because of her twins. "What are you doing here?"

"Checking up on things, bringing a care package. When was the last time you slept?"

"I fade in and out." He was too exhausted to try and lie to her about that one, not to mention that it was probably written all over his face. "I don't want her to wake up alone."

She took a few steps further into the room. "Dave, you're useless to her exhausted."

"I don't want her to wake up alone."

Her smile was serene. "Okay."

Dave sighed and sat in the nearby plastic chair as Emily backtracked to the tote bag, beginning to unpack its contents. He smelled thoroughly marinated chicken and felt his mouth start to water. "You didn't have to."

"Someone did," Emily replied wryly. "Hospital food just doesn't cut it."

He accepted the plastic tub with a smile. "Thank you, Emily."

Emily returned his smile. Dave was listed as JJ's next of kin and since Will had been killed in the accident, it was up to Dave to step in to make decisions about her well-being. And he'd been the one who had called her family as well as Emily, Penelope and the rest of the team. He'd never been more thankful for Emily and Hotch's immediate ability to compartmentalize. Emily had asked about JJ's condition after gasping, then immediately assured him that she and Hotch could handle Henry and Adam for another couple of days. All he had to do was keep updating them on JJ's condition.

"How is she?"

"Sedated. She woke up fifteen minutes ago asking for Will."

Emily's eyes closed and she reached out to squeeze his arm. "She didn't take it well."

Dave snorted, though he was aware it was a statement and not a question. "That's putting it lightly. She called me a liar."

"It can't be a nice thing to wake up to. I'm sorry you had to be the one to tell her."

Dave slammed his eyes closed. They flew open again when JJ's panicked and angry face flashed across the back of his eyelids.

"Dave, go home. Aaron's got Derek at home, between them they can handle the kids for a few hours so I can stay with her. Go home and sleep."

He knew she was right, but the thought of leaving JJ clenched his heart.

"I'll stay, call you if she wakes up. You look like shit, Dave. You need the rest," Emily continued.

"I'm fine," he replied, his eyes fixed on the bed.

"David Rossi, go home and sleep. I do not want to see you for at least two hours."

He opened his mouth again, then snapped it shut at the glare she sent him.

"It's only a few hours, Dave. I think I can watch over her for that long."

* * *

He'd only been able to make it an hour, and he'd gone to Emily and Hotch's house because it was closer. Hotch had rolled his eyes but sent all three boys out with Morgan to play in the park while Dave had slept.

"I thought I told you two hours, Rossi."

Dave actually flinched at the steel he could hear in her voice. He had no idea why she was worried about being a parent. The best he could offer her was a slightly apologetic shrug. Her face softened.

"The doctor came in to check on JJ while you were out," Emily said, sliding her bookmark into her book.

"What did he say?" Dave asked, moving immediately to JJ's side. He brushed her hair away from her face.

"She's healing, but they're not comfortable sending her home yet. They'd only give details to you as her next of kin."

Dave nodded. Then he looked at her. "You and Hotch don't mind watching Henry and Adam until we figure out if she can go home any time soon."

"They're going to start asking question," Emily warned. "Henry is old enough to understand that Will's… That his father…"

He could almost hear her swallowing thickly. A perverse part of him was glad there was someone just as torn up about the diminutive blond that had been fighting for her life until hours ago. Another part of him was anguished and angry that Will wasn't here to agonize over the woman he claimed to love.

"I think we're all a little mad at him."

He looked up at Emily, scolding himself for not remembering that she was one of the best.

"Penelope called last night… I'm sure that if Will wasn't-" she swallowed. "If she could bring Will back to life, she'd kill him herself. And painfully."

He understood the sentiment, even though it came out in that awkward way that was so Emily. "Tell the boys what you think they need to know."

To her credit, she didn't ask questions, she just stood and came to rest a hand on his shoulder. "I'll tell them Uncle Dave is taking good care of their mommy."

He smiled gratefully as she turned to leave.

"Oh!"

Dave looked up to find Emily holding onto a ratty, chewed and well-washed elephant, and an only slightly less battered hippo. He recognized them instantly.

"Adam wanted Plumpkin to watch over his Mommy since he couldn't," Emily said softly. "And Henry… Henry wanted you to hold onto Mr Trunk so that he knew his Uncle Dave had someone to hug him. They just want to feel like they're contributing."

Dave smiled affectionately. He adored both of JJ's boys and she and Will often joked that he spoiled them like they were his own. He tucked Plumpkin in right under JJ's arm. He turned back to Emily with a sincere smile. "Thank you, Em."

She shook her head. "Thank _you_, Dave. There's no one we'd trust more with her well-being than you." Once again, she paused in the doorway. "We'll take care of the arrangements for Will. We'll let you know."

Then Dave was left with a sedated JJ, wondering what would happen when she woke up.


	3. Chapter 2

**Alive  
**

**CHAPTER TWO**

JJ felt worse when she opened her eyes the second time, but the aches in her body reminded her that she most certainly had not been dreaming. She throbbed dully and vaguely realized that her medicine was probably wearing off. She tried to move but she just groaned from the pain it caused. She sighed and reached for whatever was digging into her hip.

"Adam wanted you to have it."

JJ looked up at his silhouette in the doorway of her hospital room. He looked anxious and worried and that was all it took for JJ to start to lose her cool. He hadn't been lying to her. He'd been telling the truth. She felt tears sting her eyes and vaguely heard his footsteps rush into the room. "Dave…"

She felt his body slide onto the bed with her, seeing the way he blearily slid a Styrofoam up onto the table at her bedside. How long had it been? How long had Will been dead? How long had he been there? But then her brain was overwhelmed with grief, and she curled into his reassuring warmth as he climbed into the bed with her. She curled into him as best as her body would let her. "You weren't lying," she said, voice cracking painfully. "Were you?"

She felt him kiss the top of her head. "I wish I was, Jen. I really _really_ wish I was."

Then she was sobbing terribly, curling into him. Dave held on tight, and she absently realized he was trying to keep her movements to a minimum. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so, so, sorry."

Dave knew he preferred the violent anger to these gut-wrenching sobs and part of him was definitely concerned she was going to make herself sick. He held her tight, trying to keep his own emotions bottled up. She didn't need for him to break down now. What she needed was for someone to be strong. Still, he felt a hot tear leak out of his eye. So he slammed his eyes closed, and just held on.

* * *

"Mama, who's in bed with Aunt Jenny?"

Dave blinked open bleary and crusty eyes at the childish voice. His arms automatically tightened around the slight body in his arms as his brain took a moment to wake up. Right. Hospital. Crying JJ… And someone in the doorway."

"Juliette, you have to be quiet, okay? It looks like Aunt Jenny is sleeping and remember we told you she was hurt?" That was a different female voice.

"But if she gotted hurt why is she seepin' wit a boy?"

Dave found a grin tilting up the corners of his mouth as he carefully disentangled his limbs from JJ's. He met the eyes of the small crowd in the doorway and had to do a double take. Apparently, JJ's sister was her almost identical twin.

"We get that a lot."

Dave echoed her small, tired smile, too tired to be surprised by her ability to read what he was thinking. "David Rossi. I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances."

"Jessica Rollin. And this is my daughter Juliette."

Dave crouched down to the child's level. She couldn't have been more than five. "Hi there."

"Why were you seepin' wit Aunt Jenny?"

Dave debated what to say to that. "She had a bad dream," he said quietly. He wasn't sure how much the child's parents had told her and didn't want to be the one responsible to break her little heart. "She's hurt and I didn't want her moving around and hurting herself again."

"Oh."

That seemed like a good enough explanation and so he stood again, ignoring the way his back protested. Jessica seemed torn.

"How is she, Mr Rossi?"

"Dave," he insisted. "And…that depends on what you mean."

Jessica looked down at her daughter. "Can you go get Uncle Jasper for me, sweetheart? And stay with Daddy."

The little girl took off down the hallway and seconds later, a tall blond man was making his way towards them. Apparently it was a Jareau trait through and through. And as a result, Dave deduced that this was JJ's brother, Jasper. "Jenny?"

"Sleeping," Dave spoke up immediately. "I'm David Rossi. We spoke on the phone."

"Jenny talks about you. Said I'd like you. Too bad this is the way we're meeting."

Dave simply nodded.

"How is she?" Jessica repeated, injecting herself into the not-so-conversation.

"Emotionally…" Dave shrugged. He had no idea how to put JJ's panic attack into words that wouldn't get him killed. He'd had to tell JJ the truth, or she'd start asking questions about why Will wasn't coming to see her. And he'd rather break her heart by telling her he was dead than break her heart by lying to her.

"Physically?" Jasper asked.

"Recovering. Slowly. They've got her on high levels of painkillers. She was in the OR for almost eight hours."

"And her boys? What about Adam and Henry? Do they know?"

"They're staying with friends and colleagues," Dave reassured JJ's sister. "They're in the best hands they could be beyond Jen herself." He cleared his throat, glancing back into JJ's room. "Everything's being taken care of."

"Even…" Jessica swallowed thickly. "Will?"

Dave nodded. "Someone's making all of the arrangements."

"And she knows?" Jasper asked, his eyes in on his sleeping sister. "About what happened?"

"She knows Will died in the accident," Dave said. "Beyond that… Nothing."

Jasper ran a hand through his hair. "Why did this have to happen to Jen?"

"She's going to need us to be strong," Jessica said, resting a hand on her brother's shoulder. "You know Jen. She won't break down."

Dave had experienced not one, but two breakdowns, but he wasn't about to correct the people JJ had known her entire life. He heard the sounds of her stirring.

"Dave?"

"Right here, cara."

She blew out a relieved breath, then winced at the pain it caused. "I thought you'd gone."

He cursed himself. She'd just lost her husband, of course she was going to feel a little bit alone. Not to mention that she was stuck in a sterile hospital room with no personal touches. He made a mental note to call Emily and Garcia to bring her some things of her own. They'd all been so worried about whether or not she'd wake up that no one had thought to bring little things that would make her day a bit brighter.

He went back to her bedside, sitting down carefully. "Of course not. I'm right here."

She nodded, playing with the ear of the hippo she held. Her head was down, her eyes fixed on the stuffed animal and he swallowed. He remembered Will carrying that around when he brought Adam into the office when he was born and JJ was back at work. He remembered Adam saying proudly that his daddy had given him Plumpkin.

"Sweetheart, your brother and sister are here," he said softly.

She took a deep, shuddering breath, then looked up at him, eyes watery and red-rimmed, but her press mask in place as best it could be. Dave had to admire her tenacity. "I have to make a few calls. Are you going to be okay?"

"It's just Jess and Jasper," she said, though he could hear the underlying hope in her voice. She wasn't ready for more than that. "I'll be fine."

A look exchanged with Jasper was the only thing they needed before Jessica was running into the room. "Jenny, I'm so sorry."

Dave watched as JJ bravely swallowed. He stepped out, flagging down a nurse and notifying her that JJ could probably use some more drugs. The nurse nodded and left and Dave found himself hoping they'd kick in quickly. JJ's first priority should be to heal, her second to worry about everything else. And if the drugs could help her rest and sleep, he'd prefer her to be drugged.

He sighed as he made his way out of the hospital, his stomach churning at the thought of being so far away from her. But she deserved the best and he was going to make sure Emily and Garcia got her everything she could possibly need.

"Em? It's Dave."


	4. Chapter 3

**Alive  
**

**CHAPTER THREE**

Emily frowned in confusion as she rested Lexie back in her crib having rocked the infant back to sleep. She could hear voices and was almost positive they weren't in her head. She strained to listen for the voices as she pulled the twins' door closed behind her. She followed the sound as best she could, tiptoeing down the stairs. There was a light coming from the living room and Emily peeked around the corner.

A small body sat in front of the living room television. Emily smiled sadly as she watched the action on the screen. It was Will, Henry and JJ, Will with Henry held upside down and JJ tickling his stomach as he squirmed. Emily was quiet as she moved into the living room, slowly taking a seat beside Henry. And there they sat, watching Will, JJ, Adam and Henry play in the lights of the party.

"Come on, Henry! It's your turn."

Will's New Orleans accent was strong as he pushed his son on the tire swing they'd installed in their backyard for Adam's birthday.

She heard a little sniffle and turned. Henry's eyes were glassy, but he was trying to hold back his tears. Emily bit her lip against her own tears as she pulled Henry into her arms. There was nothing she could say or do that was going to help him or make him feel better. In fact, there was, quite simply, nothing she could do other than hold on and watch the home video with him.

* * *

Aaron Hotchner found it extremely disconcerting to wake up alone. He was used to waking up with his fiancée basically wrapped around him. His Emily was one of the biggest fans of snuggling he'd ever met. It took him a moment to realize what had woken him was the baby monitor, and, from the sounds of it, his son was starting to whine for attention. He still smiled as he pulled himself out of bed. Sure enough, Jamie was awake and kicking his little bootied feet in the air. Hotch's smile grew bigger as his second son reached out for his own feet and grabbed them in each of his hands.

"Hey Buddy." He lifted his son into his arms, just as the baby started to cry. "Oh, shh…" When tickling his stomach didn't help, Hotch sighed. That could only mean that it was time for breakfast. "I think it's time to find Mommy."

He poked his head into Jack's room where two extra beds had been added for Henry and Adam. Jack and Adam were still sound asleep, but where was Henry? Quietly, he closed the door behind him, still able to hold Jamie against his shoulder with one hand. It was 6am. The boys didn't have to be up for another hour yet. So, he made his way downstairs, wondering if Emily had woken early and started breakfast.

But he didn't find her in the kitchen. Instead, he found the television on to a the main menu of a DVD, and his fiancée fast asleep on the couch with a little boy curled tightly to her. He smiled fondly and regretfully shook Emily awake.

"Hmm? Aaron?"

"Good morning, sweetheart," he said softly, smiling at her bleary eyes.

"What time is it?"

"Six," Hotch replied, running his free hand over her head. "What happened here?"

Emily sighed, carefully shifting Henry off of her and onto the couch, pulling the blanket from the back and tucking it in around him. "I woke up for feeding and heard the TV."

"What was he doing?" He watched her settle into the huge lounge chair and hold her arms out for Jamie. He handed the small boy over to his mother and perched himself on the arm of the chair.

"He was watching Adam's birthday from last year," Emily said quietly, her eyes tearing up. "He just wanted to see his dad again."

Hotch stroked her hair, kissing her head lightly. "What do you say we play hookie today, honey."

Emily looked up at him with surprised eyes. "Did you really just say that?"

"I did," he agreed with a smile. "Let's play hookie."

"What did you have in mind?"

* * *

Emily was endlessly glad for her family Hotch carried Lexie and Penelope carried Jamie through the halls of the hospital. Derek had Adam on his back as Emily held Henry's hand. Something had happened the previous night when they'd watched Adam's birthday together and Emily felt closer to JJ's eldest than ever before. And Henry seemed to take to her as his second mother. Or temporary one at least.

Hotch's idea had been simple. Go visit JJ. That was the only plan for the entirety of the day and Emily loved it. So they'd packed the twins and all three of the boys up and headed to the hospital. They stopped in the waiting room and Derek dropped Adam off his back.

Emily smiled at Adam, squeezing Henry's hand. "You ready to see Mommy?"

Adam nodded vigorously. Henry looked almost afraid.

Derek hoisted Adam into his arms. "Remember, munchkin, Mommy got hurt. You need to be careful with her."

Adam nodded again. "I wanna see Mommy!"

Emily led the way down the hall still holding onto Henry's hand. She knocked gently on the doorframe, watching Dave look up from where JJ was sleeping on his shoulder. "Hey Dave."

Gently, Dave shook JJ awake. JJ blinked her eyes opened and focused them on the guests in the doorway.

"Mommy!"

Derek put Adam down and he went running for JJ and Dave. Emily couldn't stop her smile as JJ's eyes lit up. It seemed as important to her sons as it did to her and Emily had no idea why they'd waited so long between visits.

--

JJ felt tears sting her eyes again, these ones happy rather than grief. "Hi, Pumpkin," she said with a smile as Adam raced to her bedside and tried to scramble up onto the sheets. She smiled her thanks at Dave as he simply lifted the little boy into his lap.

Dave had spent almost all of his time literally at her bedside. He left when the doctors came to check up on her and she knew it was to call Emily and Penelope and keep them updated. Jasper and Jessica had been by for the last three days since their arrival, and Dave also took that opportunity to make a few calls. Emily had brought Henry around two days before along with bags of things for her and Dave to do.

She'd slept beside him since waking up and it was almost to the point where she couldn't sleep without him beside her. And JJ wasn't sure how she felt about that kind of reliance. When she'd brought up the fact that she had to plan the funeral, all teary-eyed, Dave had reassured her that everything was being taken care of.

"Whoa, big guy. Mommy's still hurt."

Dave's voice broke her out of her reflection and she smiled at her little boy. She leaned over to kiss his forehead.

"Do you think you can be careful?"

When Adam nodded seriously, Dave seemed to loosen his grip. As soon as he had, however, Adam almost launched himself at his mother. JJ winced as his little body impacted with hers. She wrapped an arm around him.

"Mommy, I missed you!"

JJ felt tears come to her eyes. She missed her boys too, terribly. "I missed you too, Pumpkin." She looked around, expecting to see Henry on her other side, but Henry hadn't moved from where he was clutching Emily in the doorway. Her heart clenched. "Hi Baby."

Emily walked in with Henry and JJ found her heart aching. Her son couldn't even come to her bedside. Emily met JJ's eyes with a reassuring smile, but it really didn't help ease her stomach or her worries. Were her sons starting to bond to others?

"Mommy?"

JJ swallowed and held out her hand. "I'm okay, Henry. I'm okay."

Slowly, his little hand slid into his and he stepped closer. Somehow he managed to get himself up on the bed and JJ gasped as pain threaded her system. But it felt way too good to have both of her children against her. Henry was crying, sobbing against her side and into her neck. Emily squeezed her hand before stepping back and out of the room. She felt Dave kiss her head as her own tears started to flow hotly down her face.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Adam looked up at Dave in confusion. "Why'd everybody cwyin'?"

And as JJ met Dave's pained eyes with her own bleary ones, neither adult could come up with an answer the little boy could understand.

* * *

_**So, funny story... sienna27 posted something last night about brains short circuiting, and the next thing I know I wake up with 8 different stories in my head. Usually, that just means I write as much of them down as I can and save them as separate little files, but that didn't work and my brain... well, let's just say we're on the same disgusting and unfortunate wavelength. I'm going to try and have the next chapter of this ready to post tomorrow, but I'm not going to guarantee anything. I want it to be worth while for you guys to read and I'm not quite sure how to do that just yet.**_

_**Review!**_


	5. Chapter 4

**Alive  
**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

JJ was released from the hospital only a few days later with strict orders from the doctor to stay in bed. Much to JJ's surprise, Dave was still with her. He'd been the one to pack her things and load her into his SUV. Part of her almost expected him to drive her to his Little Creek cabin, but instead, he drove to her home. JJ swallowed. She wasn't sure about living in the house she'd shared with her husband. She needed something else to focus on.

"You haven't been into the office in a while." Actually, he hadn't been in the office for almost two weeks, since she'd been in the hospital. She'd found herself vaguely wondering from time to time how he managed to get around visiting hours, but quickly shoved the thoughts out of her head.

Dave shrugged as he opened his door. "The office can easily survive without me. I'm not the unit chief."

She had to give him that. With a sigh, she pushed open her own door, shifting slowly until she could pretty much shove herself out of the car. She gasped as she did and probably would have gone toppling forward if Dave was suddenly there to catch her fall.

"Damnit Jen, you have to be _careful_. You still have a set of stitches in there."

He almost sounded angry and she felt emotions swirling in her. Anger mixed with embarrassment and helplessness and she lashed out. "I can take care of myself. I don't need the great David Rossi to do that for me."

She heard him sigh. "Cara, I want to be here for you. I'm not doing this out of any sense of obligation, but you need the help. You were just in an almost-fatal car accident. You're not going to recover in the blink of an eye."

Tears stung her eyes again and if it wasn't for the pain she knew she'd experience or the extremely childish nature of the action, she would have stomped her foot in irritation. "I hate being helpless. And I hate crying. And I'm sick of being both."

He wrapped his arms around her, leaving the bags he'd pulled from the backseat before virtually diving to rescue her to sit on the pavement. He just held her for a moment until her shudders quieted down. Then he pulled away. "Okay?" he asked quietly.

"Okay," she agreed, though her voice was unsteady.

Dave nodded. "Let's get you inside and settled."

--

"What about my sons?" JJ asked, leading the way up to the front door. She was trying her best to stay strong, trying, for now, to block out the memories of Will carrying her down this walkway and up this flight of steps the day they moved in. She was trying to forget the way Henry and Adam raced around her legs

"I don't know," Dave answered honestly, and she had to give him credit for that, even if it wasn't the answer she was looking for. He took the eyes from her shaking hands. "You're not in any condition to be taking care of two active boys."

"They're my _children_."

He absently rubbed her lower back as he slid the key into the lock. "I'm not saying 'no', Jen. I'm merely suggesting that you wait a little while longer before you think about going back to full-time parenting."

"I will not be part-time parent to my own kids, They've just lost their father and –" JJ found herself choking on the words. "I'm all they have left."

--

She was getting weaker by the second and he could feel it in the way she'd started leaning against him. He wrapped his arm tighter around her, trying to steady her as best he could as he opened the door and helped her inside. "Jen, sit down."

He guided her down onto the couch, sitting on the battered and still-baby-proofed coffee table. "I need you to listen to me, sweetheart. The last thing I want to do is separate you from Henry and Adam, but right now, you can barely do things by yourself, let alone help your kids do things. And as much as I want to, I can't make sure you're getting better and watch them at the same time. I'd suggest bringing only Henry back because he's a bright boy, but that's not fair to Adam."

"Emily just had twins. How on earth can she watch my kids too?"

Dave chuckled softly. "First of all, Em's not raising Lex and Jamie on her own. And from the sounds of it, Morgan and Garcia have been there almost every day to alleviate some of the stress. Henry and Adam will never be alone, cara. Focus on getting yourself better first."

"But I'm their mother," JJ protested.

Dave took her hands. "No one is trying to take that away from you," he tried to reassure her. "I just want you to think about what's best for everyone here. You need to heal first."

--

JJ knew he was right. "I just... I don't want to be..." She swallowed. "I don't want to be their only parent left and have them living at someone else's house. That's not right."

"It's temporary," he soothed. "Just until you can stand on your own. Until you get better."

JJ bit her lip and nodded. It was one of the hardest things she'd ever done in her life. All she wanted was her boys, her family. "What kind of mother am I if I can't even take care of my kids?"

"One that's trying to recover from a car accident. You can't keep beating yourself up about this. These are circumstances beyond your control."

JJ's eyes glazed over as she looked down at where his warm hand held hers. She hated being weak more than anything else in the world, but knew she wasn't half as good at hiding her emotions as Emily and Hotch were. She found her eyes falling closed as grief overtook her again. "He wasn't supposed to die like this," she whispered. "He was supposed to... go out in a shootout or something, not a car accident."

--

Her breathing was starting to come short again, he could hear it even if she wasn't aware it was happening. She was going to injure herself and he'd have to take her back to the hospital again. So instead, he slid over on the couch until he was beside her, wrapping his arms around her like he'd done a hundred times since this whole thing had started. He closed his eyes. JJ deserved better than this. So much better than this. If he could have, he would take all of her pain, all of her agony.

She was light, she was happiness, she was love and adoration. She was everything he didn't see on a day-to-day basis on his job and here she was, suffering like no one he'd ever seen. His heart clenched painfully in his chest as he leaned his chin on her head, pulling her legs across his lap so he could hold her tighter to him.

It had been terrible to tell her she couldn't have her boys back just yet. They deserved their mother and nothing else, Dave had no doubt about that, but JJ couldn't do much of anything. Hell, she hadn't been able to walk the few feet to her front door without trouble. And Dave knew first-hand how active Henry and Adam could be. She loved her sons, probably more than anything else in the world. He made a mental note to call Emily when JJ was out from her pills to try and set up some kind of regular schedule, at least until JJ was back on her feet. Then, maybe getting the boys during the week would suffice, enough to get them up in the morning and headed off to school, then have them in the evenings. She could rest all day...

Dave sighed. He was glad he could feel a plan forming in his mind, glad that he could find some way to try and appease the fantastic woman who was still crying into his shirt, but his heart was breaking for the beautiful sprit that had just been handed one of life's worst hands. And as her sobbing subsided and he moved to grab her one of her pain pills, he found himself glancing back at her, at the crappy ponytail and the baggy clothes and wishing with everything in him that he could transfer that pain onto himself. She didn't deserve this kind of torture, this kind of limbo.

And he knew they had yet to talk about Will's funeral.

* * *

_**Sorry about the constant switching of POVs. I had things that JJ needed to think about and then Rossi needed to think about... it was a little frustrating.**_

_**Reviews are aloe for burns!**_


	6. Chapter 5

**Alive  
**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

"You haven't talked to her about it?"

Dave winced and glanced up the stairs. The pain pill had knocked JJ out completely an hour before but he was very carefully monitoring the stairs in case she came down. "It hasn't exactly come up."

"Dave, the funeral is scheduled for _tomorrow_."

"I know," he promised. "I know, I know." He ran a hand though his hair. "Em... she'd a mess."

"Understandably so." The brunette's voice was strong on the other end of the phone, but he could hear the underlying sympathy in her voice. "It's a lot to go through all at once."

Dave brought a hand to his forehead. "What do I tell her?"

Emily sighed on the other end of the phone. "There's nothing you can tell her but the truth. She has to bury her husband tomorrow. She has to hold onto her kids and stand there with them why they bury the man they love."

"I wish there was another way."

"I know," Emily said sympathetically. I do too. If there was... we'd take it. The best I could do was to ensure that she didn't have to speak. Pen wanted her to do a eulogy."

"Is that woman insane?!" Dave exploded.

"She's only trying to help," Emily tried to soothe. "We talked her out of it. Don't say anything tomorrow, Dave."

Dave ran a hand over his face. "She's not good, Emily."

"She just lost her _husband_, Dave. Of course she's not going to be good. She's going to take a while to recover. It's a normal part of the process," Emily tried to reassure him. There was a pause. "I'm going to bring Henry and Adam over later. JJ's going to need them both tomorrow and they need to be with their mother. Aaron filed for two weeks leave for you, so you're good until then and JJ won't be allowed back until she's cleared."

"Thanks, Emily."

"Don't thank me, thank Aaron. I'll call when I'm on my way."

"Sounds good." He hung up the phone then climbed the stairs. JJ was still sound asleep, curled up on the bed. She'd been reluctant to go to sleep in the bed she shared with her husband, but Dave didn't give her much of a choice. The couch was not meant for recovering accident victims. She was curled in a ball around a pillow that Dave would bet his entire salary was Will's. With yet another sigh, Dave went back down the stairs to choose a book off of the shelf in the living room, then returned to her room and the chair in the corner, settling in to watch her sleep.

* * *

Emily smiled as she watched Dave sit with both Adam and Henry on the couch in JJ's living room. It wasn't a new sight by any stretch of the imagination, but, as Dave's friend, she was glad to see he had something like Adam and Henry in his life. So, content that all three males would be fine without her for a few minutes – new motherhood made her so much more maternal and so much more cautious – she climbed the stairs. She plopped down on the mattress beside JJ only slightly jarring the blond.

"Jayje, time to get up."

Emily shook her head affectionately as JJ groaned and buried her head further into the pillows. A veteran of pain medication, Emily knew how difficult waking up from a drugged sleep could be. More than that, JJ was a terrible person in the morning. Emily had shared enough hotel rooms with her to know how painful it was to try and wake her. "I know, but you have to get up."

Bleary eyes opened and met Emily's. "Em?"

"Morning sunshine," the brunette answered with a small smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Groggy?" Then she stiffened and Emily knew the fog had worn off enough for her to understand what was going on. "I don't want to get up."

Emily sighed. "I'm sorry, Jayje."

She only nodded softly and Emily had the feeling she wasn't quite ready for condolences yet. Her own injuries coupled with the loss of Will probably made it all twice as hard. "Dave?"

Emily hid her smile. "Downstairs with the boys."

"Adam and Henry are here?"

Emily pushed JJ back firmly by the shoulders when she moved to stand. "They are. But we need to talk first."

"Is this about Adam and Henry staying with you while I recover? Because Dave and I already talked about it and I agreed."

"No," Emily replied, shaking her head. JJ was doing a good job at pretending to be strong, but she wasn't as good at it as she liked to think. "JJ, Will's funeral is tomorrow."

By the way JJ tensed, Emily knew she had JJ's attention entirely. "Tomorrow? That's so soon."

Emily's heart went out to her friend. "I know, Jayje, but..." She sighed. "You've been in the hospital too long for us to wait much longer."

Panic flooded her blue eyes. "I have nothing prepared! How can we have a funeral tomorrow with nothing planned?!"

"Hey, hey," Emily said, going immediately into mother-mode. "Calm down. It's taken care of. We've organized everything. And you don't have to say anything."

When JJ met her gaze, Emily couldn't tell if she was relieved or upset by the fact that she didn't have to speak. Actually, she'd bet a bit of both. "I'm not saying anything at my own husband's funeral?"

"We talked about it," Emily promised. "But... with your injury JJ, it's not a good idea." Emily wasn't going to talk about how painful it was going to be for her to stand up there and talk about the man she'd lost in the last way she knew was expected. Car accidents didn't kill cops. Criminals killed cops. That was the way the world was supposed to be.

"Who is?"

"A couple of his colleagues from New Orleans. Dave."

"Dave's saying something?"

Again, Emily couldn't tell if that was upsetting or not. She wasn't even sure JJ knew whether she was upset or glad. "He wanted to," Emily replied.

"Mommy, guess what!"

"What?" JJ asked enthusiastically, slowly pushing herself up.

Both mothers watched Adam scramble up onto the bed and then suddenly pause beside his mother. "It's okay, you just have to be gentle," Emily encouraged.

"But I don't wanna hurt you," Adam said to his mother.

JJ felt tears come to her eyes as she gently tugged him gently, arranging him against her side. "Now what was so exciting?"

"Unca Dave said he was seepin' over," Adam responded with a wide grin. "Is he, Mommy? Is he really?"

Emily watched something change in JJ's eyes. It was a curious change really, especially since Dave and JJ were already close friends. The blond looked up to the door and Emily followed her gaze to see Henry and Dave standing there, watching everything unfold. Emily watched, almost like a fly on the wall as JJ smiled slightly.

"I think that's a very good idea."

* * *

_**I didn't realize I had this mostly done until I went to work on it while I was watching CSI New York from Wednesday. Then I discovered it was mostly written, I just hadn't gotten around to finishing it!**_


	7. Chapter 6

**Alive**

**CHAPTER SIX**

Jennifer Jareau had done a hundred difficult things in her life. She'd given press conferences on killers that were just as likely to target her for being on the news as their actual victims. She'd said words to bait killers into making mistakes. She'd given birth twice, and somehow managed to balance death and family life like a pro. But there was no feeling in the world like the pain in her heart as her car pulled up to the cemetery. The sky was a bright and cheerful blue, in direct conflict with the emotions that plagued the blond media liaison. But that wasn't who she was today. Today, she was just Jen, just JJ, the woman who was about to bury her husband with their two sons looking on.

She looked up with bleary eyes as Dave reached over and squeezed her arm. "Morgan and Garcia are going to take the boys." He squeezed her hand when she opened her mouth to respond. "They're going to be beside you, Jen, but, cara, you can barely focus. Trust me."

JJ wasn't the type to put the reigns in someone else's hands, if only because she'd spent her entire life taking care of others, but as she opened her mouth to respond, her lower lip trembled and she started to shake. God, she was a wreck. With a slow nod, she turned to let herself out of the car, trying with everything in her to hold herself steady as she waited for Dave to come around the car. Penelope and Derek were already there, unstrapping and lifting Henry and Adam from the car, walking behind them as Henry took Dave's hand, and Adam his mother's. JJ leaned heavily on Dave's strong body as they made their way through the gravestones to the seats prepared for them.

And in the deep recesses of JJ's brain, she had to admit, Emily and Hotch knew how to put together a burial service. The disconnected part of her brain catalogued the lilies tastefully flowing over the dark wood of Will's casket, while white and yellow daisies made up the two solitary wreaths where the pastor stood. There were enough seats for her siblings, the only extended family either of them had anymore, and her, Dave and the boys. It was a small ceremony, and JJ would bet that it was to deal with her own inability to stay standing for long periods of time, and the privacy that JJ and Will often preferred. She didn't need a bunch of strangers coming up and offering condolences.

Dave guided her gently to one of those seats, ensuring she was settled before dealing with Henry and Adam. Adam went to Emily, standing stoic and strong with Hotch and Jack leaning into his father's side. Lexie and Jamie were at home with a sitter, neither parent comfortable with having infants at a funeral service. Henry took the seat beside his mother, leaning into her side. She wasn't sitting more than two minutes, her hand absently stroking through her son's hair as she held on to Dave's hand with everything in her, when she saw a blurry shape squat in front of her. It took her mind a few minutes to recognize Alex Leverett, Will's partner from New Orleans. She managed a smile.

"Hi Alex."

"Hey Pretty Girl," Alex replied with a sympathetic smile. Alex genuinely liked JJ and firmly believed Will couldn't have met a better woman to love and build a family with. The two of them had hit it off when they'd first met. There wasn't a person in the world who knew what JJ was feeling probably better than Alex. Alex and Will had grown up together, both from law enforcement families. They'd joined the force together, graduated the police academy together, and made one of the most unstoppable New Orleans teams. Alex had spent his two weeks vacation in Virginia with them every year since Henry had been born.

Her hand moved to rest on his on her knee. She squeezed slightly, but didn't say anything. She knew she didn't have to. They'd both lost more than a friend in Will's death. She'd lost a husband. He'd lost a brother.

"You need anythin', you call me, got it?" Alex said, and JJ absently noted he had tears in his eyes.

All she could do was squeeze his hand harder and nod, tears flooding her own eyes. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but the pastor cleared his throat, signifying it was time to start the service. If asked later, JJ couldn't remember a word of what went on during the service. She knew of Henry's heat beside her and Dave's shoulder against hers, but that was about all she was aware of. The voices were drones in her ear, almost monotonous in pitch and tone. She wasn't sure where one person finished and the next began. She didn't even really hear Dave's speech, too focused on the dark wood of the casket.

He was actually gone.

There would be no more Sunday afternoons in the park with the boys. There would be no more breakfasts in bed. There would be no more terrible singing and dancing around the kitchen while they cooked dinner. There would be no more sneaking food off of her plate when they ate out, or ate in for that matter. There would be no more kisses for no reason, no one to hug her when the cases got too terrible.

"Mommy?"

Henry climbed into her lap, wrapping his arms around her tightly. JJ hugged him to her as tight as she could without suffocating him, burying her head in his little head. Later, when she realized how utterly strong her little boy was being, she would sit down with him and let him cry, tell him that he didn't always have to be strong, but until then… his comfort was central to her ability to keep things together. Her little son, and the man beside her.

"Mommy?"

That one was Adam, and she realized Dave had pulled her youngest into his lap. She sniffled and reached out, running her hand over her son's head. It was the best she could offer at the moment, and she was thankful for Dave, who bounced the little boy in his lap absently.

After that, there were condolences that JJ wasn't sure she heard and Dave guiding her back to the car. Then it was over, and he was driving her back to her house, silence reigning in the car. They pulled into the driveway of her house and JJ sighed. It was over. It was really, really over.

"Cara?"

JJ looked up at him.

"The team is coming for dinner. They didn't want to put you through anything rigorous."

It was just the team. JJ could do just the team. "I just…"

Dave nodded. "The four of us are going to let Adam pick out a movie, then we're going to sit on the couch and relax. That's it." He smiled over at her as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "And we'll get you a pill when we get inside, okay?"

JJ nodded.

* * *

Emily sighed as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her from behind. "Not now, Aaron. There's a lot left to do."

Aaron Hotchner knew that tone of voice all too well. She didn't want to be bothered. But he'd watched her flit around since before the sun was up and he was hellbent on getting her to relax, even if it was just for fifteen minutes. "We don't have to be at JJ's until later, Em. Come on, take a break. Hold your son, rock your daughter to sleep."

His hands stroked her stomach and Emily could feel herself relaxing back into his grip. "I can't. I want to make sure JJ's going to be okay for at least the next two weeks, and I didn't get half as much done over the last week as I would have liked."

"It's not like JJ is staying by herself, sweetheart. Dave won't leave her side and there isn't a self-respecting Italian man I know that cannot cook. Dave is one of them." He felt her relax a little bit more into his grip. "JJ couldn't be in better hands and you know it."

Emily sighed. "I just…"

"I know," he promised. "You saw Dave today, Em. You know he's not leaving her side for anything."

She turned in his arms then, eyes sparkling. "You saw that too?"

He chuckled into her temple before kissing the skin softly. "You'd have to be blind to miss it. But she had Will."

"You don't think…?"

Hotch shook his head. "No. I think Dave knows better. But that doesn't mean he's not going to be there for her as much and for as long as she'll let him."

Emily sighed. Part of her was excited, happy to see that there was someone who would look after JJ no matter what, through thick and thin, much like Will did. At the same time, she worried about how dangerous it could be for them to bond over grief. While she didn't mistrust Dave in the slightest, she worried for JJ.

"They'll be okay, Emily," Hotch said, reading her mind. "They'll be okay."

Emily certainly hoped so. With everything in her.

* * *

**_Two things:_**

**_1) I couldn't stop myself from throwing a little bit of Hotch/Prentiss in there for good measure. They're still my all-time favourite couple and I went back and read Three Years' Deal and the next thing I know, they made a lovely little cameo appearance._**

**_2) I'm so sorry this took so long! Between prompts and the Gilmore Girls story I literally had to update, all of my multi-chapter CM fics have been basically put on hold. I'm going to try and incorporate at least one of the prompts into the next couple of chapters of the CM fics I am writing to kill two birds with one stone, but we'll see what happens. _**


	8. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Jennifer Jareau was struggling. She wasn't used to it, not in her personal life, but her world felt like it was slowly and steadily collapsing around her. She felt like she couldn't get a hold of herself, couldn't find very much that was stable in her life. And it was all Will's fault. He'd pulled the rug out from beneath her. He wasn't supposed to just die like that. He wasn't supposed to leave her with two boys that she couldn't even take care of because she could barely take care of herself.

It didn't help that she had literally nothing to do. Nothing at all. She was sick of watching TV, the only movies they really owned were for the boys, any and all files were at the office… and she was sick of thinking. She was sick of being vulnerable. She was sick of being looked at with pity. She closed her eyes against the onslaught of uncharacteristic claustrophobia, trying to keep all of the emotion away. Because among everything else, she was absolutely sick of crying.

She sighed and pushed herself off the couch, wincing in pain and feeling the flood of irritation as she did so. The stitches had come out a few days before, but the skin itself was still tender and, as the doctor had been sure to tell her, could rip again if she wasn't careful. But she didn't quite care at the moment. She needed to get out of the house. She needed to leave. She needed to do _something_.

So she picked up the phone and called a cab.

* * *

Dave tried to stay out of the office with JJ on medical leave, but there had been a meeting that required both his and Hotch's undivided attention. It was a little generous to think that his attention had been solely on the meeting, but he understood the higher ups' need to have both of them in attendance as Hotch defended his decision to take the team off of the travel roster for the time being. Between the newest additions to the Hotchner family and JJ's necessary recovery, they were a minimum of two agents short. And even the Bureau knew that there was nothing like their seamless team. It wasn't to say they got favourable treatment, but in their line of work, the Bureau knew it was easier to cut their losses and take the team off of response rotation than to send an incomplete team into the field.

He sighed as he slid JJ's spare key into the lock. He hated bureaucracy and largely hated the hierarchy of the FBI. Nine times out of ten, they were more concerned with the Bureau than with the humanity of their agents and no where was it more obvious than when dealing with the BAU. Even the best agents needed time off. And it wasn't their fault that JJ's accident had come on the heels of Lexie and Jamie's births.

"Jen, I'm back!"

Nothing greeted him. He didn't really find it a problem. He knew that though her stitches had been removed that the scar was still painful and if she'd buckled down and taken a pill, it was likely she was dead to the world. Nevertheless, he smiled. JJ had made fantastic physical strides according to the doctor since the accident almost three weeks ago and was well on her way to healing. Emotionally… well that was a different story entirely.

He left his briefcase by the couch, noticing the crumpled afghan, but no blond liaison. The kitchen revealed nothing either, and she wasn't in the study – thank goodness, though he knew that there was nothing for her to do in there anyway. She wasn't in Henry's room or Adam's room – sometimes she slept in there to remind herself that her boys were still alive even if they couldn't be with her at the moment – and he felt himself begin to panic when she wasn't in her room either.

"Jen?!" he called, checking every nook and cranny in the upstairs hall. No sign of her. Then he went back downstairs calling out for her again. No response, and no sign of her. And she wasn't outside taking in the bright sunlight of the day either. Jesus, where the hell was she? He took his cell phone out of his pocket with shaking hands, hitting number two on his speed dial. Much to his fear and chagrin, it rang from the small purse still on the table by the door. Wherever she was, she hadn't taken her phone.

He swore as he found Hotch and Emily's house phone in his contacts. Maybe Emily had picked her up for a visit with Adam and Henry.

"Hello?"

He couldn't stop the soft smile that spread over his face. Emily sounded absolutely frazzled. "Hey Em."

"Dave? Can you hang on a sec?"

She put the phone down before he could get a word in and he felt his stomach clench tighter. He didn't need Reid to tell him the statistics of a missing woman. He tried to relax a little bit, really he did – Emily was technically watching over four children, after all, and with the rest of the team demanded at the office, she was on her own for now – but he couldn't keep his foot from tapping against the floor of JJ's entry way.

"Sorry Dave. We had a teddy issue."

He'd ask about it another time. "Jen's missing."

"What?"

Oh God. That wasn't the reaction he was looking for. He was looking for a laugh and some reassurance that no, JJ wasn't missing at all. "She's not here, Emily. I can't find her anywhere."

"Could she have… gone for a walk?"

Dave knew even Emily didn't believe that as the words left her mouth. JJ could barely walk from the couch to the television without some sort of either rest, or support for her pain. She'd been in a _car accident_ and though he agreed that JJ had made spectacular physical recovery, there was no way she'd risk going out for a walk.

"Okay, let's take a minute and think. She didn't take her cell, right?"

"Right."

He could almost see Emily running a hand through her hair as her blown out breath floated over the line. The poor girl was dealing with so much and all in support of her friend. Dave made a mental note to take her out to dinner or something, just to say thank you for everything she was taking on to try and make someone else's life easier. It was so Emily Prentiss.

"So there's a limited number of places Jayje would go without her phone," Emily replied. "She has that thing surgically attached to her hip because of Henry and Adam. Her family went home, right?"

"Right," Dave agreed, sighing. Sometimes the fact that Emily thought out loud was irritating.

"So if you were JJ, and don't tell me you're not more in her head than the rest of us, where would you go?"

"Prentiss, I'm on the phone with you, I have no idea where she could have gone."

She ignored his snappish tone. "Did you try Will's gravestone?"


	9. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Dave blew out a heavy breath as he spotted her little blond head in the midst of the grey and black of the headstones. Emily had been right and there was no way he could ever express how thankful he was for that. "Jen?" he called across the distance.

She didn't reply, and he made quick work of drawing closer to her. She was staring at Will's gravestone, doing what, Dave wasn't even about to guess. He was too relieved about finding her alive and in one piece to worry about something as trivial as her purpose here.

"Jen? Are you okay?"

"I hate him," she whispered after a moment, and Dave wasn't sure she knew it was him or if she simply wasn't surprised to see him there. "I love him, but I hate him."

"That's probably normal," Dave responded, clenching his hands in fists to keep from touching her. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he would get and was reluctant to spook her. At the same time, he knew the anger was normal. It was the way he'd felt when his father had passed away from a sudden heart attack. No one had really had control over the circumstances, but he was angry nonetheless.

"Why did he have to leave?" JJ asked, almost too soft for Dave to hear. "Why did he have to go and leave us all alone?"

Dave debated for a moment. He wasn't sure she'd be exactly accepting of any sort of condolences right now, but he wasn't sure reassurance was exactly the way to go. And yet, he felt backed into a corner. Those were really his only choices. Unless... "He didn't do it deliberately, Cara. You know that. He adored you and he adored your boys."

"Then why didn't he fight to stay with us?"

He sat down on the grass beside her, hand coming up of its own volition to stroke her hair. She was the one grieving and yet it made him feel better to touch her. He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Because he never got the chance to."

Her pained eyes met him. This was the reason he hadn't been exactly willing to share the details of the accident with her. "Everyone has the chance to fight."

"The car that hit you impacted the driver's side," he said quietly. "Will didn't stand a chance. The police said he was dead on impact."

She blinked. "On impact..."

"He didn't stand a chance," Dave repeated. "Jen, there is no way that if he had the chance to fight he wouldn't. He would fight with everything in him if it meant coming back to you."

JJ's eyes went back to the tombstone. "It doesn't help," she said quietly. "I hate him. He left me with two kids, Dave."

"But not alone," he replied, trying to focus on a new tactic. "You have Garcia and Morgan. You have Emily and Hotch."

"They have twins. Newborn twins. They can't take Adam and Henry."

"Jen, who do you think watched them while you were in the hospital?"

JJ's eyes widened. "They are nuts! They've had them too long, Dave."

"Jack's been spending a lot more time there and I have it on good authority he helps out a lot," Dave tried to reassure her. "Lexie and Jamie are his new siblings and he already adores them."

"But... Emily took the boys?" JJ asked.

"She took your boys, yeah. They seemed to love spending time with Aunty Em," Dave replied. He'd been under the impression that JJ knew the first thing Emily had thought of was to find the boys.

"I... God."

"Hey, hey, hey," Dave said, catching her as she pitched forward.

"I'm a terrible mother."

Dave had to clench his jaw to keep it from falling open. "How can you think that, Cara?" he asked quietly.

"My children are living with another family because I can't pull myself together. They haven't stayed at home... God!"

There were plausible, understandable reasons for that. She was grieving for a man she had a family with while recovering from a car accident. There wasn't a person in the world who would blame her. "If you're worried about them, the only place your sons would be better is with you."

"Which is the problem," she huffed.

"Jennifer Jareau, you are _grieving_," Dave said, resisting the urge to grind his teeth. "You can't help your boys until you can take care of yourself. And you're still healing. You're in no shape _physically_ to be taking care of your very active boys."

"My kids should be with a parent. One of them can't take care of herself and one of them is dead. Jesus, Dave... My kids are _alone_."

She was being irrational. She wasn't thinking this through and she wasn't listening to him. "Your kids are not alone, Jen. They have a whole extended family that's taking care of them. And Emily and Hotch explained that things are going to be a little weird for a while because you were hurt."

Actually, there was a plan forming in the back of his mind. He had tones of room in his home, including extra bedrooms. Between him, Hotch, Morgan and Reid, there was a serious possibility they could actually move in... But he was definitely getting ahead of himself. Good Lord, what was this destroyed little blond doing to him? He sighed in his head. It didn't matter. What mattered was trying to get JJ back on some sort of even keel.

"Where are you going?" she asked as he stood.

His chest swelled. _That_ was why he was still here. She needed him. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be right back."

His phone was still in the SUV, which was both a blessing and a curse as he speed dialled the Hotchner home.

"Did you find her?"

Of course Emily would pick up the phone. "Right where you said she'd be."

"Good."

"She's... How fast can you have the boys packed up?"

"If the twins go down in ten minutes, like they're supposed to... Twenty minutes," Emily replied. He could almost see her doing the calculations in her head.

"In total?"

"If my miracle workers are up to the task," Emily agreed. "David Rossi, what are you plotting?"

"To fill up the emptiness of home," Dave replied, glancing back to where he'd left JJ. "Pack 'em up Em. You're about to lose two kids."

"Metaphorically, I hope," Emily quipped.

He was so glad for her wit at times like this. He was glad to have a friend that could worry and simultaneously keep a cool head. It was probably the reason five kids didn't seem to really phase her. He tucked the phone in his breast pocket and started back towards JJ. He ran his fingers through her hair. "Come on, Cara. You have some packing to do."

"Packing?"

"You're going on a vacation."

Her brow wrinkled adorably. "Vacation?"

Dave nodded.

"Where?"

"Chesapeake Beach."


	10. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

David Rossi's 'cabin' was _huge_.

That was JJ's official conclusion after spending three weeks of her continuing healing at the multi-acre estate. She felt a little pampered by the fresh air and large green spaces for her sons. She smiled widely as she watched Derek race around the yard with Henry, Adam and Jack. Emily was due back in the office the next day and though JJ had yet to discover what had convinced Dave to invite the team to his home, she was grateful. The only thing that was missing was Penelope, who had made prior plans for a weekend away with Kevin. JJ didn't fault her in the slightest and there was no way she could let her down and often depressed mood get the better of her with one of the six-month-old Hotchner twins in her lap and her best friend beside her.

"I don't want to go back," Emily said with a wide smile. "I've been spoiled for six weeks. Jack's been over constantly and, of course, there's Aaron."

JJ shoved down the twinge of pain that shot through her stomach. She wanted to be ecstatic for her friends, but someone else's love and happiness still brought waves of pain because it was still difficult to see someone else happy when her own chance had been ripped so cruelly from what she thought was a very tight grip. She was glad Emily had Hotch, but she was jealous at the same time. She sighed as Lexie started fussing in her lap and she had to force down the negativity crawling up her throat. She'd forgotten how terribly sensitive infants could be. "Wedding plans?"

"Non-existent. I have two newborns and I flat out refuse to do anymore planning without _both_ of my best friends for moral support," Emily replied.

JJ closed her eyes for a split second, but it was enough for a knowing look to wash over Emily's face. The blond managed a tight smile. "I'm happy for you. I am."

"I know," Emily promised, shifting Jamie in her arms. "It's normal."

"I'm sick of people telling me that," JJ said, shifting her grip on Lexie. The infant was starting to drift off and JJ was well aware that sleeping children, though adorable, were dead weight and heavier than most thought.

"I wish there was a better answer," Emily replied.

JJ sighed. "Clinically, we know all about the grief of losing a loved one. More of than not, I'm the one that sees it. Experiencing it is something entirely different."

Emily listened quietly, rubbing Jamie's back.

"Half of the time.... I'm overwhelmed by the thought of raising two boys on my own. The other half I'm battling with the fact that my husband's dead. And not even... in something job related, but a _car accident_. He wasn't supposed to die in a car accident," JJ lamented. It felt good to vent to someone new.

"We all want them to go out in a blaze of fire and guns, when something as simple as choking could kill them," Emily replied quietly. "They're heroes. They should die like heroes especially as young as Will."

JJ nodded absently.

"How are your boys doing?"

"Adam's too young to understand what's going on. Daddy went to play with the angels in heaven. Henry... I don't know about Henry. He... hides everything. But he's not acting up he's just... trying to be strong."

Emily smiled, shifting her son so she could rock him in her arms. "Very much his father's son."

JJ sighed. "I don't know. I'm worried about him."

"Have you tried talking to him about it?" Emily asked.

"I can barely talk about it. How am I supposed to talk to my eight-year-old son?"

Emily smiled. "He's just really missing his dad, Jayje. I found him watching an old birthday movie when he was at our place."

JJ bit her lip. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. We were supposed to be happy."

With a quick deft movement, Emily had Jamie in one arm, reaching out to her friend. "I'm so sorry, JJ."

The blond nodded, sighing, her eyes on the little girl in her arms. Lexie was a good distraction from some of the bone-deep sadness she'd been feeling lately.

The brunette shifted Jamie again, taking her hand back to support his small body. "Where does Dave fit into all of this?"

"He's... catered to our every whim," JJ answered on a sigh. "He's driven the boys to school, he's made totally sure that everything I have is within six feet... Even now that I'm pretty much healed, he's insisting I do as little as I can. He's... He's great."

Emily nodded, filing that away. Because Emily knew that Dave and JJ had a different relationship than the general close friendship of the team. In many ways, it was a lot like her relationship with Hotch pre-twins, pre-pregnancy even. Except everyone knew that while Dave may have always held a huge soft spot for JJ, she was absolutely, totally and completely in love with Will, there had been many-a-gossip moment where she and Penelope had shaken their heads and gone 'if only'. It hadn't surprised Emily in the slightest that Dave had been the one to step up. Yet part of her was worried while she really couldn't throw stones about co-dependency, she and Hotch had built their relationship away from the bone-aching grief that was obviously still plaguing her blond friend.

"I'm glad he's here," JJ said. "I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Mommy!"

JJ's head shot up at Henry's cry, waking Lexie from her light nap. The infant wailed, waking her brother who echoed his sister's cry. Aaron poked his head out as Derek swept a crying Adam into his arms and they all slid into the mode of parents again.

* * *

Dave watched JJ as he had been doing since he'd shown up in the hospital. She was starting to tire, but there was still a brighter glow about her as she rocked Adam in her lap while she chattered with Emily. She'd been genuinely happy all day, the happiest he'd seen her in weeks. It made him inordinately happy himself.

"How is she doing?"

It was such a Hotch question, murmured just under the chatter of the women. Dave shot him a look. "How would you feel? She's barely recovered physically. Emotionally.... we both know dealing with the emotional burdens comes later."

Hotch nodded slowly. "I'm glad you've been here for her. She's special to you."

"She's a special woman," Dave said carefully. He wasn't sure what Hotch was getting at. JJ had always held a special place in his heart since the moment she'd chewed him out for undermining her job. None of them probably realized the influence that had had over the way he interacted with the team. It had been JJ that had made him start trying to incorporate himself into the 'teamwork' mentality that their team seemed to value.

Hotch shot him a look. He wasn't about to play around the bush now. "She's more than special to you."

Dave took the unit chief's words as they were meant, partially a warning, partially a question. "Would I constantly be at her side if she wasn't?" he pointed out. He'd do anything for her, even if he'd never said anything to anyone else. The team could tell. And Hotch was probably the closest thing to an older brother she had in the Bureau. There had always been something different between JJ and Hotch and the rest of the team. It wasn't the same as what he had with Emily, but he definitely cared for JJ in a different way than he had, say, Elle. He sighed.

"I know what you're aiming at here, Aaron. I'd never... jeopardize her or her recovery." It was all he could offer the other man by way of reassurance. He couldn't lie and say part of him wasn't absorbed in the hope that this meant good things for his relationship with the blond, but he wasn't stupid either. If he was going to go through the pains of trying to 'woo' her, he wanted to make sure that those feelings were separate from the grief that came with her husband's death.

The younger agent nodded. "JJ..."

Dave wasn't quite sure what the other man wanted to say as he watched Hotch's eyes move to rest on both women, still rocking back and forth gently in the porch swing. If it wasn't for the absolute adoration Hotch constantly showered on Emily and their twins, Dave would worry that his feelings for JJ went deeper than friendship. But the older man knew better. Hotch was looking out for JJ, trying to warn him of the consequences if the petite blond was ever hurt. Dave was under no illusion that Hotch wouldn't be the only one to avenge JJ's feelings if something happened to her.

"If something happens between us," Dave began, his eyes following Hotch's gaze. "_If_... I don't want it to be confused with grief and needing someone to hold onto. And I know there's a danger of that, especially here. She _loved_ Will, there's no doubt about that and he gave her two fantastic boys. My only goal right now is to support her through this, regardless of any other feelings for her." And hey, Hotch and Emily had danced around each other for _years_ and they were both single. JJ had been happily with Will when Dave realized what he was feeling for the media liaison was more than just friendship. He shook his head. Someday, he was going to tell the twins that they were the reason their parents were even together.

And maybe someday, not someday soon, but someday, his Jen would look at him like Emily looked at Hotch. He didn't relish the circumstances under which she became a single woman, and he knew Will was a good man and had been good to JJ, but he couldn't help the hope that sparked in his chest whenever she did something that told him she needed him. Regardless of how hard he tried, regardless of the fact that he knew there was a long road yet in her recovery, let alone in her being ready for another relationship, Dave couldn't stop himself from thinking that maybe, just maybe, JJ would see him as more than her saviour and her best friend, more than the man that supported her through a dark and down time in her life.

For now, that was enough.

* * *

_**I didn't realize how much of this I already had written. **_

_**As I'm sure most of you are well-aware, there has been a whole lot of other things that have held my attention for the last little while, so this got put to the back burner. I'm going to try and get on some sort of updating rotation, going between stories, but we'll see how long that lasts. This can be a sad, heavy story to write sometimes and though I do have some other little ideas for her road to emotional recovery, I also don't want it to seem like she's recovering from Will's death too quickly. At this point, we're give and take a month and a half, two months since his death and I'm aiming at six months minimum before she really starts to recover emotionally and start looking at Rossi differently. **_

_**Reviewing makes my day!**_


	11. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

"Daddy! Daddy stop it!"

The whole house froze.

Dave stopped tickling Adam, pulling away from him as if he'd been burned. JJ didn't look much better as he looked over at her, surprise etched in her features. He forced himself to take a deep breath. They'd all been doing so well. They'd all been recovering, dealing as best they could considering the circumstances. JJ could lift Adam now, a testament to her physical recovery, but the emotional scars were the one thing they hadn't addressed. He'd been careful to avoid the emotional part because he wasn't sure how JJ wanted to go about it. Hell, he had no way of knowing how to mourn the loss of not only your significant other, but the other half of the parenting duo to your kids.

But Adam had just called him 'Daddy' and even Dave knew that was something that had to be addressed and carefully. He wasn't there to take Will's place. He wasn't there to be a new Daddy to these boys, at least, not yet, and not without their permission. More than that, Adam was little. He was still a virtual baby, a person who had no idea the emotional can of worms he'd just absolutely blown open. He had to go about this carefully to assuage JJ and Adam at the same time.

Boy first.

"I don't think so, Buddy," he told Adam with a smile he hoped was soft. "Daddy's with the angels, remember?"

Dave had experienced some of Adam's Daddy tantrums since bringing JJ and her boys to his cabin. Sometimes there were things that only Daddy could do and Adam refused to let go, no matter how many times they told him that he couldn't see Daddy, that Daddy wasn't going to be around anymore.

He almost blew out a breath of relief when he realized Adam was okay. He smiled at the little boy. "Why don't you go upstairs with your trucks, huh?" Adam's eyes lit up and he scampered away. His attention shifted to the next most important person. "Jen?"

Her eyes were filled with pain when they met his and he didn't move, unsure of how he'd react. He wanted to pull her into his arms, to hold her while she let loose the tears that were swelling in her eyes. But he wasn't sure that was what she wanted. It could damage their relationship more than help it.

"Oh my God," she finally managed to whisper.

He moved to the coffee table in front of her. She'd been reading a book with Henry when Dave had returned from giving Adam a bath, tickling him to no end. She'd looked up with affection and humour in her eyes watching the shenanigans with a smile playing at her mouth.

Since he couldn't go into comfort mode, he went into explanation mode. "It's not a big deal, okay? He's little."

"But he knows Daddy's gone," she breathed, part in confusion, part in awe.

"Exactly. He knows that I'm not his Daddy and I don't intend to be his Daddy. That's not my place in his life." He had no idea if that was all of the problem or just the surface. After all, they hadn't discussed her late husband since being back at her house. A house she was going to have to conceivably move back into soon. "Jen, he just misses Daddy. It's normal, and he's young. He doesn't understand what's going on." It was only then that he moved, sitting beside her, close enough that his leg brushed hers, and waited.

He wasn't disappointed.

She curled up against him, one hand coming to fist in his t-shirt and turning her face into his shoulder. His hand came up to rub her shoulder as he felt hot tears soak his shirt. He tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling wondering if there really was a God and why he'd brought so much pain on such a good woman. JJ was one in a million, he knew that, but it tore at his heart to hear her shaking breaths and feel the silent sobs wrack her thin body. Even after two kids, JJ was still thin.

"Your child isn't supposed to outlive you," she said finally, quietly. "Not like this."

"Cara, you know these things happen. Sometimes people are taken before their time," he replied, pressing a kiss to her head. "We don't have to like it, but it happens."

"Like this?"

He sighed, shifting her so her legs rested across his thighs, his arm wrapped around her back. "We see it every day," he answered finally. "Our cases are all about people taken before their time and families that are forced to move on after the death of a loved one. And they do it. You will too."

"What if I don't want to?" she asked. "What if I want Will?"

He really didn't have an answer for that. He was saved from having to find one by Adam's small voice. "Mama! Bedtime!"

The both actually chuckled. Adam was often very on the ball about going to bed. Dave thought it was because he was always spoiled at bedtime with story after story after story. JJ sniffled, rubbing at her eyes as she stood. She paused at the bottom of the stairs.

"Aren't you coming?"

Dave had been part of bed and story time for a while, but he felt that maybe tonight, it wasn't the right place for him to be. He shook his head with a soft smile. "Not tonight." He didn't want to confuse Adam any more than he apparently was. Maybe it was time to step back from how much he'd been helping her, give her a chance to get her legs again. So as she climbed the stairs, he moved towards the liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of scotch. After pouring some for himself, he went out to the back porch and looked out across the wilderness that surrounded him. He sighed, then took a healthy swallow.

It seemed like it was time to make some changes.

* * *

JJ winced as she put the kettle on the stove a little more forcefully than she would have liked. But she was irritated at herself. Not for breaking down on Dave, but more than that. Her youngest boy was forgetting who his father was. How could she let Adam do that? How could she not have seen that having Dave around constantly would confuse him? It was hard enough to help him understand that his father wasn't going to be around anymore, but... she'd never once thought that he'd look for a new father.

She didn't resent Dave. It wasn't his fault, not really. He'd been trying to make her recovery easier on her and he'd done an excellent job of it. She was almost completely covered from a physical standpoint and she'd been doing pretty well on the emotional front too. After the accident, she'd had nightmares about it, waking up sobbing and crying out. She'd been worried at first, that Dave had heard and woken up, but he hadn't come to comfort her or do anything else and she'd breathed out a sigh of relief every time.

The last time she'd had a nightmare had been weeks ago. Then tonight and really, that was the crux of the matter. She hated that she was having nightmares again, that everything that had happened with Adam was bringing up enough pain and reminding her how much she missed Will such that she was having nightmares again. To top it off, Henry had been acting oddly when she'd gone to tuck him into bed and she didn't like it one bit. Henry wasn't his happy self as often lately and JJ had been considering maybe it was time to see if she could find a grief counsellor for him. Because it was obvious she wasn't in the right place to help him.

"Jen?"

She jumped and spun at the same time, a hand coming up to her heart. "You scared me."

Dave leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, sleep rumpled. "Nightmares again?"

Her eyes widened. "Again?"

He sighed. "I knew," he admitted, "about the first ones."

"You did?"

He nodded. "I figured you'd come to me if you needed. Then they went away."

She echoed his nod, agreeing to the last part of his statement. They had gone away and she'd never once thought of simply going to him. She didn't want to load more on him. He'd already taken all three of them in, given them all a place to stay, to live while she recovered. And she loved the cabin and knew the boys did too. They had the room to run, to play...

"But they're back."

His voice pulled her out of her thoughts. She looked away, to the kettle she'd put on in hopes of making tea to lull herself back to sleep. She knew she didn't have to answer. She heard him come across the tile floor of the kitchen until he stood beside her. Gently, he took her hand.

"Talk to me," he urged.

"I miss him," she said finally. "And I've been spoiled here, with you. I don't have to remember he's gone and he's not coming back. I don't have to remember that I had to bury my husband and that I'm going to be raising two kids on my own. I don't have to remember that I have a job that I have to get back to that's going to require me to go away from them for long periods of time and I don't have to remember that my life isn't turning out like it's supposed to. I can pretend that everything's okay."

She could tell by the look in his eyes that her candidness was surprising him and making him feel guilty at the same time and she managed a small smile. "You can't blame yourself, okay? I just... I felt so alone and it was easy to let you slip into that space. I was easy for me to forget you weren't someone else, that you weren't always going to be in our lives like this and I think I let it get a little bit out of hand."

He took a very deep breath. "So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know," she admitted in a gust of air. "Don't get me wrong, Dave, I've appreciated every single thing you've done for us. I'm not sure what I would have done about recovering if it wasn't for everything you've done. You opened your house to us, and I don't think there's anything I can ever do to repay you for doing this for us."

"But..."

She had to look away from him. "But maybe it's time we made a few changes. I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks which means I have to get Adam and Henry back on some sort of routine at home, and I have to think about who I'm going to leave them with when we go away on cases..." She didn't want to say it, but she knew it was coming. "Maybe it's time for us to go home."

* * *

**_Okay, everybody, collective sigh, ready? FINALLY!_**

**_I know, I know, this took forever. I've had this scene and the next two chapters in my head since I started writing this, but I couldn't, for the life of me, seem to find the right way to work it into the story! Originally, I'd wanted to work up to it, show that Dave was becoming central to their lives, but it wasn't working and I didn't want it to feel forced. So I bit the bullet and just wrote it. And I've set myself up rather nicely for JJ and the boys moving out of the cabin too and back to their home. I think that's an important and central part to, eventually, putting JJ and Dave together, which is the point by the end of this. _**

**_I also just realized I set myself up for a great girl conversation about Dave. But that won't be for a while yet. Maybe JJ's actual first case back..._**

**_Review if you're still with me? Please? Just so I know you're reading?_**


	12. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

After he'd returned JJ to bed, Dave lay awake in the darkness of his bedroom thinking of what she'd said. For one thing, he knew she was pulling away from him and on some levels he could understand it. She wasn't over Will, that much was obvious and he didn't expect her to be. The man had been virtually ripped from her and it wasn't going to take days or even weeks to recover. He'd probably be lucky if it took months, but he wasn't banking on it.

That didn't change the fact that she'd blindsided him. He'd expected to be the one to bring up moving home, to talk to her about getting the boys back on a routine before she went back to work. And he certainly hadn't expected to have the conversation at one am in his kitchen, not to mention the fact that he hadn't anticipating it hurting. He really should have known that stepping into her life like he had – though he did have to admit he didn't regret a moment of it – would alter her perceptions. He should have known, with all of his behavioural training, that her first response would be to pretend he was someone he wasn't. He should have put a stop to it ages ago. Maybe then, they wouldn't have had this mix up like they did with Adam.

He didn't like the idea of taking her home in the slightest, not now that he knew her nightmares had resurfaced. He didn't want her battling that again and he still hadn't been able to get through her head that she wasn't alone in this. All she had to do was ask and he'd be there, not only because of an emotional obligation, but because there was nowhere else he'd rather be. And he wasn't sure what he'd do in this cabin with her gone.

Yet, he could understand where she was coming from, her reasoning behind it. It was logical, but he couldn't help but think part of her was running. Of course, he didn't want her to confuse him with Will, to see him as anyone other than David Rossi, but he definitely wanted her, eventually, to look at him like she'd looked at Will for all those years. She'd been truly happy and while he'd seen a few brilliant and genuine smiles since she'd been staying with him, heard her laughter ring out over the dinner table when Adam through mashed potatoes at him, he should have known better than to hope that it meant she was getting better, moving on from Will's death.

There had been so many things he'd wanted to say to her as they stood in the kitchen. He wanted to tell her that it was okay. He wanted to tell her everything was going to be fine, that she wasn't at fault for this. But more than that, a big part of him had wanted to suggest she go talk to someone with more training and no personal stake in the outcome of her recovery. As a behaviouralist, he extolled the virtues of psychologists and the explanations they'd come up with for human behaviour. Sure, sometimes he felt Freud was more than a little off his rocker, but largely, psychology played a large and important part in their field. He was sure the entire BAU could do with some mental help, but they often played the psychologists, able to get around the issues better than a regular person simply because they knew all the tricks. They had to, to be able to do their jobs effectively. Behavioural training was a blessing and a curse.

But JJ... she wasn't trained like they were. Sure, there was no doubt her job took a little bit of profiling, but he doubted she could get around the tricks of a psychologist. And Dave had access to the best. The BAU had access to the best, the Bureau's way of trying to combat their training. And grief was different than the myriad of emotions that came with their job.

He'd wondered about other little things too. He'd started wondering if maybe she shouldn't be wearing one of Will's t-shirts to bed, if she should still be wearing her rings, but a bigger part of him had said it was too soon for her to be taking them off. Sure, it had been almost four months by this point, but that was only since his death. Most of that time, JJ had been physically recovering. But she was right. She was due to go back to work in two weeks, assuming she could pass the physical qualifications and the mandatory psych eval. Maybe he'd talk to her after the psychologist finished with her to see if she'd like to do it on a more permanent basis. It might help her deal with the grief and anger she hadn't expressed because she didn't think she could. He knew she wanted to be strong for her boys, make sure they had one functional parent, but he was afraid that one day, something would happen and she'd lose it like she had that night. It wasn't like he thought she could ever hurt her boys or anything, but he knew she wouldn't want to take that chance. Her boys were her world.

Dave sighed into the empty room. Maybe he could get the team to help prep JJ's house for her return. She'd probably flip if they took out every reminder of Will, but they could do little things. They could change sheets, do laundry, dust, make the house liveable again. He was sure someone wouldn't mind going grocery shopping for JJ, make sure she had everything she could need when she moved home. And he'd look into day cares, places that could take Henry and Adam if she was late in the office. Maybe he could find someone who'd be willing to watch Henry and Adam when or if they had to go away too...

He glanced at the clock. Five am. Well, it didn't seem like he was getting back to sleep anytime soon, so he pulled himself out of bed. If she wanted to go home, that was fine with him. He'd just make the transition as easy as he could. He could give her that much.

* * *

JJ hefted herself off the couch as her cell rang. She didn't recognize the number on the phone and sighed. "Jareau?"

"Miss Jareau, it's Mrs. Jenkins, the secretary at Henry's school?"

JJ was immediately upright. "Is he okay?"

"He says he's not feeling well and he'd like to go home."

"I can't come and get him," JJ huffed. "Can I talk to him?"

"One moment, ma'am."

"Hi Mom."

"Baby, what's wrong?" JJ asked, concern obvious in her voice. Sure, he'd been acting weird the night before, but it hadn't been anything particularly sidelining that she could remember. He hadn't looked ill when she put him to bed, nor when she sent him off to school with Adam and Dave.

"I don't feel good."

He sounded absolutely pitiful, complete with croaked voice. God, she hated it when her babies cried! "Honey, I'm going to have to call someone to come and get you, okay? You think you can hold on for a little bit longer?"

There was silence for a moment. "Can it be Aunt Em?"

The request took JJ by surprise. "Sure, baby," she answered, trying to keep the suspicion out of her voice. She had been intending to call Dave, that was for sure.

"Okay."

"You hang in there, okay? Can you put Mrs Jenkins back on?"

The phone shuffled again. "Miss Jareau?"

"I'm going to send a woman to come and get him. Unfortunately, I can't get to him," JJ said brusquely, her tone the business one she used with reporters. "Emily Prentiss is the woman's name, she's a woman I work with and a friend." She knew the statistics, and she wanted to make sure the secretary had enough information to make sure her son didn't leave with anyone _but _Emily.

"Yes ma'am."

"Thank you." Then she hung up and hit the speed dial for Emily's cell. She knew Emily had gone back to work six weeks after Lexie and Jamie were born, but she was rarely out of the office. The twins were still young and she didn't like being far from them. Neither did Hotch.

"Prentiss."

"Em, hi."

"Hey Jayje! How are you doing? We were going to come see you this weekend."

JJ smiled. Her friends had tried to come see her as often as they possibly could and she really appreciated it. "I'm doing fine. Um... Em, Henry's not feeling well at school."

"You want me to go get him?"

"Do you mind?" JJ asked. "I'm sorry for asking, but he wanted you."

Silence came over the line for a minute. "He wanted me? Did something happen?"

"He seemed off last night and this morning, but he didn't seem sick... I don't know."

"I'll go get him," Emily replied. "See what I can do."

It was right then that the phone at the cabin rang. JJ considered not answering, but Dave had once told her no one had the number. So, after chewing her lip through three rings, she picked it up.

"Jen, it's me."

"Hi..."

He let out a sigh. "We have to go."

JJ blinked. "Huh?"

"There's a case. Tennessee. We're wheels up in half an hour."

"Oh." And this was where the spoiled part came in. Then she wrinkled her brow. "Emily's going to pick up Henry."

"Emily's not coming. She and Hotch are thinking about trading off cases until the twins are a little bit bigger. Em's going to work from Quantico with Garcia. The rest of us are going to be on the ground."

"Oh." She didn't know what else to say. "But what about Henry and Adam? How are they going to get home?"

"I'll see if Emily or Garcia can pick Adam up after school. You already said Emily was going to get Henry?" Dave suggested.

"Right," JJ replied. God, she was out of it! What the hell was wrong with her? It wasn't like he was going off to war, just to Tennessee for a case! They did it all the time. "Okay. Um..."

"I'll call," he said quietly.

"Okay," she replied, just as quietly.

"Bye."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone and looked down at it. What had just happened? Why did she seem so utterly upset at the idea of him leaving on a case? This was where the spoiled part came in. He'd been here so long and JJ knew that the team had been off rotation because they'd been down agents... She'd never expected this, not in the slightest. She hadn't expected to be so... off... about him leaving on a case.

_Get a hold of yourself Jennifer,_ she scolded, shaking her head. She needed something to do, something to keep her mind off of her boys and off of the fact that Dave wasn't going to be home that night. She pushed herself up with a sigh, wandering off through the house, looking for something to do.


	13. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

Emily rushed into Henry's school, absently locking her car with the remote. This was actually the first time she'd been in charge of picking Henry up during the day. When she and Aaron had kept Adam and Henry for JJ, the boys had actually come out of the school and they'd waited in the playground. Luckily, the office was right next door to the front doors and she managed a smile at the secretary.

"I'm Emily Prentiss. I'm here for Henry Jareau."

The secretary scrutinized her for a moment before nodding once. "He's in the nurse's office, right around the corner."

Emily nodded quickly before asking, "What do I have to do to take him home?"

The secretary produced a binder and Emily quickly filled out the sign out information before heading out of the office and around the corner. The door was open, and she could see Henry just sitting on the bed. "Hey there, Buddy."

"Hi Aunt Em," Henry replied dejectedly.

"What's wrong, hon?" Her hand automatically came to his head to feel for a fever.

"I'm not sick," Henry admitted as tears pooled in his eyes. "I want to go home."

"Okay. I'll drive you up there right now."

"No," Henry interrupted shaking his head. "Not Mr Dave's home, my home. With my bed and my toys."

Something really was wrong. "Well, how about we go to my house and check on the twins first, okay? I don't have a key to your house."

"There's one in the back yard," Henry told her hopefully. "Mom would forget her keys, so Daddy put one back there so she always has a way into the house."

His voice choked on 'Daddy' and Emily blinked back tears. She wasn't supposed to be home for a couple of hours anyway, and she had her phone if the team needed her for anything... "Okay. Do you have everything?"

Henry shook his head.

"Let's go get your backpack and we'll go home."

* * *

Dave had been sitting by himself on the plane, but he knew it wouldn't stay that way for long. Everyone was aware JJ was due back to work and he knew Hotch would want to ask about how her recovery was really going. The team always put on their game faces when they worked, no matter what they were going through at home, but Dave had heard about Agent Greenaway and he could understand Hotch's need for someone else's opinion. So when Hotch took the seat across from him, he wasn't surprised.

"JJ's due back in two weeks."

Hotch was never one to hide things. Dave knew that was part of what bonded him to Emily. "She is."

Hotch nodded. "Is she ready to come back? Really?"

"Is anyone really ready to come back to this job?" Dave asked in reply. "Physically, she'll pass fine. Her nightmares are back, which is worrisome, but nothing none of us have dealt with before."

Hotch narrowed his eyes. "What's going on?"

Dave looked out at the clouds they were flying over. "Adam called me 'Daddy' the yesterday."

Hotch's eyebrow went up, the only real reaction.

"Jen flipped. Rightfully so. It triggered her nightmares."

"So what are you going to do?" Hotch asked.

"Move her home," Dave replied. "Her and the boys. It's the only thing I can do. I'm not their father, Hotch and, under different circumstances, maybe I wouldn't worry so much about it, but Jen's afraid they're going to forget who their father really is. She's worried _she's_ forgetting."

Hotch nodded slowly. "Is she okay to be living by herself?"

"I don't know if there's a choice anymore," Dave answered, looking out the window. "She does need to remember how to live on her own, without me to support her every step of the way."

Hotch nodded again and for once in the entirety of the time he'd known Aaron Hotchner, Dave cursed himself for the poker face he'd taught the younger man. Hotch's eyes were unreadable. Then, the younger man spoke. "Considering the way you want things to end up with JJ, are you willing to separate yourself from her so completely?"

"I don't want Jen to define herself around me. The boys, okay, but I want her to know who she is independently before I think about stepping in. Nothing is going to work if she can't remember the person she was before Will and reconcile that with the person she now has to be with two boys."

For the third time, Hotch nodded. Dave was under no illusion that the man he'd once mentored had every idea of what JJ was going through. The only difference was that Haley hadn't died. Still, Dave knew Hotch had felt like his family had been cruelly ripped away from him when the divorce had come down the pipe, so if anyone could understand how important it was for JJ to remember who _she_ was before trying to create a 'they' with Dave, it was Hotch.

"It's not going to be an easy journey," the Unit Chief reminded him.

Dave smiled slightly. "Nothing worth it is ever easy," he replied. "And Jen is definitely worth it."

* * *

Emily had followed Henry around the back of his home to find the key that sure enough, had been stashed back there. They headed around the front together and Henry slid the key in the lock. Emily felt a little calmer having called the woman she and Aaron had babysitting Lexie and Jamie on the way to the house and guaranteeing she could stay an extra hour or two while Emily took care of this little emergency. Henry pushed the door open and headed immediately for the DVD case, ignoring the stuffy smell of the house and concentrating on going through the motions of putting something into the player.

Emily took the initiative, going through the bottom floor of the house and opening a few windows to let the early autumn air float through the house. She debated cleaning up a bit, but refrained, reminding herself that there was a boy in the living room that needed her. She was only slightly surprised to find Henry curled up on the couch in a blanket Emily recognized. It was a baseball blanket that Emily knew had been purchased at a baseball game, the same baseball game Jack had gotten his first hat at. It had been a father-son bonding session for Aaron, Jack, Will and Henry.

And, just like when Henry had been staying with them, the DVD in the player was a home video at some other family function. It was obvious JJ was wielding the camera, because it was focused on Will and baby Henry. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close to her, trying to offer him the same comfort she'd offer her own children.

"Henry," she said quietly. "What happened?"

Emily knew, in a general sense, the whole Jareau-slash-La Montagne clan had been recovering rather well. JJ had seemed actually happy that the boys were adjusting okay and things seemed to be evening out. She'd expressed some concern at the lack of tears Henry had shed for his father, but that had been about it. There was nothing to indicate that something had gone terribly wrong besides the fact that Henry had wanted to leave school and come back here.

"I don't want to talk about it," Henry said, even as his hand tightened in her shirt. He'd had that habit since he was a baby, a piece of knowledge Emily knew because of the times she'd babysat Henry so JJ and Will could have some time to themselves.

"You have to," Emily replied, keeping her voice just as quiet. "I think you'll feel better."

"I don't."

"Henry, it's me here. Talk to me."

Henry looked up at her for a moment, but only a moment, before turning his eyes back to the screen. "Adam's stupid."

"I don't think you believe that," Emily replied.

"I do too," Henry argued. "He called Mr Dave 'Daddy'."

The combination of 'Mr Dave' – a term neither of the boys used, preferring uncle – and the explanation of 'Adam's stupidity' suddenly made it all fall into place. She didn't know what it actually felt like, to have someone feel like they were replacing your dad, but she could understand where Henry was coming from.

"This whole situation doesn't make sense to Adam, honey. You know that. He's too little."

"But Mr Dave isn't Daddy," Henry said petulantly. "He can't be Daddy."

"You're very right," Emily agreed. "I don't think he's _trying_ to be your dad, do you?"

"Yes," Henry replied, still pouting. "He's always trying to play with us and he's always trying to be part of our family. But he's not."

Emily bit her lip. She wasn't sure how to explain to Henry that it wasn't Dave's intention at all. Dave was trying to make things easier on JJ, a feat that was difficult on a regular day, let alone a post-injury day. And Emily was well aware that JJ was far from emotionally recovered. There was a long way to go before she was that. She took a deep breath.

"Henry," she said, pulling him tighter against her, arranging him across her lap. "Uncle Dave's always been in your life and he's always made sure you have the best. He adores you and he adores your brother, and he cares for your mom."

"So?"

"So, I think it might be a good idea to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd bet he was as thrown off that Adam called him 'Daddy' as you and Mommy were," Emily answered, her hand stroking up and down his back. "I don't think Dave is trying to be a new daddy to you, Henry. I think that he's trying to help."

They sat in silence for a little while, just watching the people trail across the screen, watching their family. Eventually, Henry drifted off to sleep in her lap, his body softening against hers and Emily tipped her head against the back of the couch. It was an interesting development in the saga of JJ and Dave and Emily found herself wondering if maybe it was time for them to pressure Henry to talk about losing his father. Each of them, Emily was well aware, had their own father hang ups, most of them having lost their fathers at a young age, whether because they'd passed on or because they'd walked away. Maybe there was someone in the family who could get Henry to open up about what was going on, about what this freak out actually was.

"I want him to go away," Henry said in a small voice. "Go away and leave us alone."

Then he started to cry.

* * *

**_I have a feeling I've said this before, but here, it's especially important. I'm not trying to write Emily as Henry's mother. That's JJ's role and it'll always be JJ's role. Having said that, the way I decided to deal with this was for someone 'outside' to realize that Henry's carrying a lot of the 'man of the house' stuff and that maybe he needs to talk to someone who has also lost their father. I don't know if I did it right, or really did it the way I wanted to, but this was the theory._**

**_Review?_**


	14. Chapter 13

**Alive**

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

When the number for his cabin popped up on his caller ID as he flew over the continental US, Dave's first reaction was to panic. He hadn't been sure he'd talk to JJ so early, which led him to immediately assume that there was something terribly wrong at home."Jen?"

"He's gone Dave," she sobbed and he had to take a minute to decipher the words from her sobs.

He stiffened. "Cara, you need to try and calm down and breathe. I can't understand you."

"You want me to calm down when my son's bonding to another woman?" she snapped. Then let out another sob.

Ah. They'd had this conversation before. "Jen, I don't think Henry loves Emily anymore than he loves you," he tried, in a soothing voice he'd perfected with her nightmares. He ignored the look Hotch shot him at the sound of his fiancée's name.

"You don't? Then explain to me why he'd rather spend time with Emily than with me!" She sobbed again. "He doesn't want to come home, Dave."

"Henry loves you," Dave said calmly. Actually, this was an interesting turn of events in Dave's mind for while he was incredibly close to the boys, he'd noticed how strong Henry had been trying to be since Will's death. There had been a handful of times Dave had been woken by sobbing he'd originally attributed to JJ, then discovered it was Henry who was crying. While that had made him breathe in relief – knowing that Henry was crying over his father meant that sometimes he was dealing with it – part of him hoped that this was going to set Henry on the road to the same emotional recovery that JJ was going to have to tackle shortly. Maybe the family was the best way to go about helping Henry see that it was okay to cry over his father's death.

"Not anymore," JJ's small voice floated over the line. It broke his heart as much as he knew that there was a distinct thread of irrationality to it. But irrationality wasn't something he could tackle over the phone or at the great distance that was currently between them. Hell, he wasn't sure he was going to be able to counter it period. He wasn't sure Henry would talk to him after what happened with Adam.

Her voice floated over the line again, even more teary and broken than it had been a moment ago.

"Not anymore."

* * *

When Henry had cried himself to sleep, Emily managed to stretch him out across the couch, tucking the afghan from the back of the couch around his small body. Then she made her way into the kitchen, keeping a keen, maternal ear out for any noise of him waking. She pulled out her phone, taking a deep breath as she dialed JJ's cell.

"Jareau."

"Hey, Jayje," Emily replied. "He's asleep."

"Oh."

Indifference was something that Emily hadn't been prepared for. She took a deep breath, unsure without being able to see her what was going on in JJ's mind. "He just misses his dad. He mentioned Adam accidentally called Dave 'Daddy' the other day?"

"He did."

Emily nodded to herself. The way Henry had reacted to the whole situation had told Emily more about the little boy she considered a nephew than anything else. More than that, Emily had begun to see what seemed to slip the minds of everyone else. It was by no fault of theirs in the slightest, but Emily found herself wondering if Will had asked Henry to keep an eye on his mother if anything was to happen to his father. In which case, the circumstances they found themselves in made so much more sense.

But, Emily had a plan. It had come to her while she was trying to soothe away Henry's tears and berating herself for not being able to before remembering she wasn't his parent. It wasn't going to be the same. "Jayje, he's angry, and he's upset."

"He was fine."

There was the distress that Emily had been originally expecting. "I know. He's very much Will's son. And yours."

"How is he my son when he won't even come home?" JJ asked.

"To him, he's home now," Emily replied. "His house, his toys, his bed… We're at your place."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. "I'm not there."

"Don't beat yourself up about this," Emily ordered gently, but with an underlying level of steel. "You're dealing with more than enough right now, JJ. And it looks like Henry's been doing a fantastic job of hiding things and keeping them to himself. You would have noticed if there was something very wrong with him, I know that."

Emily paused, waiting for any response from JJ. When there wasn't one, she plowed on. "I have an idea, Jayje. Well, two actually, but one is more pressing than the other."

She could almost see JJ chewing her lip as she thought about it. On some levels, Emily was aware that JJ was angry with her for how much Henry had bonded to her and she could understand any reluctance JJ showed to listening to her.

"I'm listening," the blonde finally said.

"Good."

Emily's plan was two-fold. For one thing, she was going to see if they could get JJ home for the night. She'd have Penelope grab the twins and the always-packed diaper bag. The woman who was watching them while Emily and Aaron were at work could help Penelope pack them up, then head their way. They'd have a girls night at JJ's house, the way they used to. It would give JJ a break. And part of Emily knew that it would probably be good for JJ to spend some time in her own home since she was going to have to move back here eventually. More than that, Emily hoped that being here would help JJ release some more of the emotional upheaval she'd been through when Will had been so terribly ripped from her grasp. It would be nice for Adam to have a night at home too.

Then, when the team returned, when their family came home, they could tackle Henry. There wasn't a man on the team that hadn't lost their father at a young age and Emily wondered if maybe talking to Derek or Aaron about the losses of their fathers would help. Well, probably more Derek than Aaron, who had never liked his father to begin with. Because she wouldn't be surprised if Will had asked Henry to watch over JJ if anything ever happened to him.

She was banking on it.

* * *

**_Largely a set-up, I know, so I'm sorry if you guys feel like it's not up to my usual stuff. Muses willing there should be some JJ angst and hardcore emotion in the next chapter with Em and Pen and that should put her on the road to emotional recovery and thus, get us many steps closer to her and Rossi getting together. _**

**_Think you guys can stick with me that long?_**


	15. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

PROMPT: Comfort Food (Pushing Daisies)

There was definitely something soothing about being in the home that had been hers. At the same time, JJ found it incredibly emotional. The last time she'd been in this house, she'd been happy. She'd had Will, she'd had her boys… now Will was gone. And everything had changed.

She was trying her absolute hardest not to be angry with Emily. It wasn't her fault, it wasn't her problem. She'd only done what she would have done for any other member of her family. And JJ had to admit, now that she'd had time to look back on things, she'd had a point. She'd pulled into her own driveway – in Dave's SUV and Adam in the back seat – feeling much better about the whole situation with Emily and feeling apprehensive about going back into that house, seeing everything that had been _theirs_… But she found it was a lot like coming home.

Comforting and terrifying at the same time.

_God,_ she thought to herself, _I'm an emotional wreck._

It was the first time the thought had snaked through her mind, but it was about time she'd acknowledged it. She hadn't been able to see Henry's emotional issues because she'd been wrapped up in her own. She tried to tell herself that it wasn't her fault, that it was understandable that she'd been wrapped up in herself and not focusing on anything else, but the maternal part of her still felt much like she should have known better. She should have been able to deal with her own issues, then turn around and deal with her sons.

But, admitting the problem was the first step to fixing it. Now she just had to figure out what the second step was.

Emily plopped down on the couch beside her, having borrowed Penelope to put the twins to bed. It was the first time she was jolted out of her thoughts. She looked over at one of the two women who were as good as her sisters.

"I think I owe you an apology."

But Emily smiled. "Nonsense. I understand," she answered. "It can't be easy to watch. I don't know what I'd do if Jamie or Lexie started bonding to someone else's parents."

JJ nodded. "Thanks." Then she paused. "I think Derek might be the best one to talk to him." JJ had thought long and hard about Emily's idea and as a general rule, agreed. The question was who would be best. None of them had died in a car accident like Will had, but Derek was the one who had his father ripped away from him by death and may be the best one to relate to her eldest.

"It may not do any good," Emily reminded her, the same words she'd used on the phone earlier that evening. "There's no guarantee this'll help or hinder."

JJ shrugged. "But it's the best thing we can come up with right now and I really don't think he'd want to talk to a stranger. If it's going to help him deal with this to talk to someone like Derek, I'd like to see him do it."

"What is it we're saying about my Chocolate Adonis?" Penelope asked as she returned to the living room. Adam and Henry were both quiet in their own rooms, Henry still reluctant to face his mother and Adam having dropped off to an early sleep. The women knew he'd be up just as early tomorrow, but they'd pre-planned on spending the day at JJ's home. Emily had all of her files that she was prepared to simply spread out across JJ's dining room table and Penelope had two laptops to allow her more room to cross reference and search. They were set up on the dining room table with the volume loud enough to be heard from the living room should the necessity arise. JJ was the only one likely to get sleep that night.

"He's going to talk to Henry," Emily replied.

"About?"

"Losing your dad," JJ answered. "He… he kind of panicked the other day."

"Oh?" The bubbly blond took a seat beside JJ.

"I…" JJ really wasn't sure what to say.

"He's finally reacting," Emily replied after a moment. "And Adam called Dave 'Daddy'."

Penelope nodded slowly. "Yeah… can't be easy for the poor kid," she agreed. "I remember losing my parents and being angry. I didn't have a mom to look after though."

JJ sighed. "I should have seen it."

"Nah, Jayje," Penelope responded. "You were injured enough yourself. _We_ should have seen it. _Rossi_ should have seen it."

"Dave's been so focused on me," JJ snapped back.

Penelope held up her hands. "Not my point, Peaches. I'm glad he's been around taking care of you and the boys, makes me worry less."

Emily's gaze was much more curious. JJ's defense of Dave wasn't new, per se, but the vehemence with which she'd come to his defense this time, was. "Things are good between you guys?"

JJ knit her brows. "What are you implying?"

Emily held up her hands, much like Penelope had done only seconds earlier. "Only what you want me to imply."

JJ sighed.

"Hey," Penelope jumped in, resting her hand on JJ's leg, "We're just teasing, Gum Drop."

"I… Dave's a very good friend and he's been a very big help," JJ finally said. That was as far as she was going to go on that particular front. She was still dealing with a lot of her own revelations in the last two hours.

"Jayje?" Emily's voice floated into her thoughts. "What are you thinking?"

JJ chewed the inside of her cheek. These were her best friends, if she couldn't admit what was going on to them, then how on earth was she going to start on her recovery? "I… I've kind of been on an emotional rollercoaster since Will…" she swallowed thickly, "was killed." Then she had to take a deep breath as the tragedy pressed in on her chest. "And I can't always rely on Dave or you guys to step in or pick up the pieces. I have to start putting my life back together, start supporting my own sons instead of you and Hotch stepping in to take care of them."

Emily kept her face impassive where Penelope's was encouraging.

"Sounds good to me, Hon," Penelope said, nodding.

"Adam… Adam's forgetting who his father is, and I can't have that. It hurts to think that he could be forgetting Will and everything that we had as a family," JJ tried to explain. "I… It's important that Adam and Henry never forget who Will was to them. I can't do that if I can't even think about him without feeling like I'm going to burst into tears because he's gone."

It was Emily's turn to nod. "How?"

JJ sighed. "This time, I'm not sure. I've already talked to Dave about the boys and I moving back here, where we had a home. I'll see if I can get the boys back into a routine before I have to go back to work in two weeks."

"When's your psych evaluation?" Emily asked.

"End of the week," JJ replied.

She nodded slowly. "Well, if it works for you, and talking to the Bureau psychologist helps, maybe you should think about making it more permanent?"

"Telling someone else about what I'm going through? A stranger?" JJ asked incredulously.

"Jayje, come on," Emily replied gently. "We can't help you. You know we can't help you. You've said it yourself. But if the Bureau psychologist could help, don't you think that it would be a good idea to see about continuing?"

JJ still looked skeptical.

"Em's got a point there, Peaches," Penelope spoke up. "The psychologist may be better off to tell you how you could help my dear darling godsons."

JJ sighed, well aware that what Penelope had a very good point. She would do anything for her boys and if there was one thing she'd realized she had to do, it was be their mother. She'd said it herself long ago: she was the only parent they had left. She had responsibilities that she'd been shirking.

It was time to start her recovery.


	16. Chapter 15

**Alive  
**

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

Dave had to admit to a little bit of surprise when he came home from the case and found JJ's things all cleared out. So were Adam's and so were Henry's. It hurt a little bit, knowing that they'd moved out while he was gone. He'd hoped to come home after the brutal case and simply be able to relax with JJ and the boys, remind himself why he did what he did, and what really mattered. He was just settling in for a depressing night of mindless television and alcohol – vices he hadn't given into since JJ and the boys had come to stay with him – when his phone rang.

"Rossi."

"Hey Dave."

Her voice was quiet, resigned, and that scared him. "Jen."

"Um… I know you're probably upset. I didn't… I didn't want to put you through having to move us back, not after everything you'd already done… Pen and Em helped."

"While I was gone."

She sighed. "I know. Not one of my best ideas. Henry wouldn't leave home and I couldn't have Emily sleeping here with her twins."

He was silent, sipping his scotch.

"Look, um… I called because… Well, my eval is supposed to be tomorrow."

He knew that. He'd been watching his calendar for it.

"Um… I don't know how it's going to go, but… I don't want…. Do you think…"

"Jen, spit it out."

"Right, um… Can we go out for lunch or something afterwards?"

He couldn't stop his stomach from doing a flip flop, nor the butterflies in his chest. "I think we can definitely do it."

She blew out a huge breath and Dave could read the relief in her voice. "Okay. Um… I have to go to bed, you know, to be awake for the evaluation… I'll see you tomorrow."

"Of course."

"Okay," she said quietly. "Goodnight David."

"Goodnight, Cara."

* * *

JJ was actually nervous as she stepped onto the floor that housed the BAU. She just needed a minute, time to calm down and settle her mind before going in for her psychological evaluation. This would determine when she would come back to the Bureau, and with both Henry and Adam away at school during the day and Dave back full time at the BAU, JJ was bored. She was actually looking forward to get back into the nitty gritty of the BAU and the cases. She wasn't looking forward to the extensive darkness that was inherent in the unit, but it would be nice to have something to do other than just think.

"JJ!" Emily had been the first one to spot her and made her way over quickly to give the other woman a hug. "How are you feeling?"

The blond smiled tremulously. "Fantastic."

"Right," she chuckled. "You'll be fine."

That didn't make her feel better in the slightest. She smiled again as Derek stood up to give her a warm hug. "You need anything you give us a call, hey?"

"Always," she promised.

Reid stood awkwardly, wiping his hands on his pants. She took a lot of comfort in the fact that with Reid, nothing had changed. He was worried, but with her, he'd always worried. She stepped up to him, hugging him the way Emily and Derek had hugged her. It actually made her feel better. She met Hotch's eyes as he stepped out of his office. She shot him a smile as she climbed the stairs to Dave's office. She knocked on the door and pushed it open when she heard 'enter'.

"Hi," she said quietly, shutting the door behind her.

He didn't look up, just slid a cardboard cup tray to the edge of his desk while he finished his sentence. She smiled gratefully as she lifted the coffee.

"How did you know?"

He glanced up over his reading glasses. "I know you," he replied easily, simply. "You're nervous."

"Of course I am," she replied.

"Hey, hey, hey." He dropped his pen, pushing the chair out from behind his desk to come around the desk. His hands cupped her cheeks. "Jen, you are able to come back to work. You are fully recovered and able to do this."

She rolled her eyes. "That doesn't make this any better. I'm getting antsy Dave, I need to come back."

"I know. And you know this is a formality. You lost your husband, Jen, and they just want to make sure that you're mentally fit enough after that to come back to work."

There was a lot he wasn't saying and JJ knew it. The psych evals after the Elle fiasco had become so much more thorough, in an attempt to beat the behavioural training that was standard in the Bureau's profilers. She may not be a profiler, but because she was involved with the BAU, she was always put through the same extras they were. She too had to go through the annual evaluations.

"Cara…"

"I'm ready to come back, right?"

"Of course you are, I have complete faith in you. So does Emily, and Derek, and Hotch. It's not right having someone else doing your job."

She blew out a breath. A moment later she found herself jumping into his arms, wrapping hers tightly around his neck. He held her back just as tightly, hugging her, his hands running up and down her back, threading one hand through her hair. Eventually, she pulled away, taking one last deep breath of him before she pulled away.

"Okay. I'm going to be late."

"You're going to breeze through this."

She presented him with a genuine smile then, at the last moment, pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks Dave."

* * *

She was glad she didn't have to wait in any sort of waiting room before stepping into the psychologist's office. Dr Tessa Myers had her PhD in psychology and a long history with the Bureau. JJ had looked up all of the relevant information before stepping into Quantico that morning. If she was going to see about talking to the woman on a more regular basis, she wanted to make sure that it was as good as she could get. And from the looks of things, and the papers she'd had Reid look up, Tessa Myers was the best she could find without going private. She preferred the idea that there would be a Bureau record rather than going the private route.

"SSA Jareau, hello."

"JJ, please," she replied. As much as she wanted to go back to work, the reminder was a little too close to home. Will had been an officer with the police. The rank meant nothing in the long run.

"Tessa."

Tessa was a short woman, much to JJ's surprise, and a redhead. From a quick sizing up, JJ noticed not only the ring on her finger, but that she looked friendly enough.

"Have a seat, JJ."

She did. Slowly. She'd always found something stereotypically wrong with the fact that she was supposed to sit on a couch to divulge all sorts of her personal issues. Oh, and her personal demons. Because if the session went well, JJ was very much intending on making this a more permanent thing.

Tessa smiled. "Okay, JJ, let's get started."


	17. Chapter 16

**Alive  
**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

JJ didn't feel anything close to comfortable as she sat on the couch, but she knew the importance of what she was about to do. "Um... can we... can we split this interview into two?"

Tessa cocked her head to the side. "And why is that?"

"Because... Because..." she sighed. She hadn't really expected it to be that difficult to explain it to the woman she was about to divulge information she hadn't talked to anyone else about.

"JJ, I'm not well versed in grief therapy," Tessa said softly. "I don't know if I could help. My field of expertise is whether or not an agent is fit for the field."

"I know," JJ admitted, "But..."

"You don't know who else to trust."

JJ wrinkled her nose at the description. "I don't want to have to keep reliving the story over and over. I understand that the eval is necessary, but I'm not ready to tell these types of things to someone else and I don't want to wait until I am to try and start getting back to normal."

Tessa smiled. "I can understand that. Let's get started on the evaluation, and then we can move on to the rest, okay?"

For the next forty-five minutes, JJ answered a large number of questions, many of them sounding clinical and simple. Finally Tessa smiled. "Well, JJ it looks like you're fit to return to duty, so that's the end of the professional side of this interview."

JJ blew out a breath. She hadn't realized she was nervous about the whole situation. "Thank you, Tessa."

"So let's get down to the real reason you're here." Tessa leaned forward in her seat. "What's going on JJ?"

The blond sighed, leaning her head back on the couch. "I don't know. I just... I want to be normal."

"Which, funny enough, is normal," Tessa offered. "What else?"

JJ smiled. "What, you're not going to try and wheedle it out of me?"

"I'm not your team, JJ," Tessa chuckled. "I prefer the straight forward conversation tactic." She leaned back. "You have two boys, yes?"

"Yeah," JJ said with a wistful smile. "Adam and Henry."

"And how are they taking their father's death?"

"Adam... is confused," JJ admitted. "He doesn't understand that his father's gone and he's not coming back."

"And Henry?"

"Henry's... I don't know," JJ admitted looking down.

"Okay, let's try this from the beginning," Tessa suggested. "What happened?"

"I woke up and... Agent Rossi was there. He... he was the one who told me about..." she had to take a deep breath. "About Will's death."

"And what happened?"

"I... I didn't believe him. He told me the doctors had to sedate me because I was still injured, because I almost died with Will."

Tessa made a note on the fresh page JJ hadn't realized she'd opened her book to. "Keep going," she encouraged. "Don't stop on my behalf."

"He told me again, when I woke up again and it... It was the hardest thing I've ever had to hear."

JJ went on, detailing how it had felt to be in the hospital, seeing her brother and sister, Emily and Hotch taking care of Adam and Henry... Even about the nightmares. Tessa didn't ask about the details, but JJ wasn't stupid enough to think that they weren't things that may be addressed at a later date. Much to her own surprise, she talked about feelings she hadn't realized were threading through her brain, the pain, the anger at Will, the anger at the world for taking her husband away when they were all so young… and the guilt.

"Survivor's guilt is pretty normal," Tessa tried to soothe, but no matter how many times the psychologist said them, none of it ever felt normal.

"You have to try and remember that you were just as much at risk as he was. You can't anticipate every decision, every alteration or anything like that." She looked at JJ over a pair of stylish glasses. "I notice Agent Rossi was a prominent figure in your recovery up to this point?"

JJ jolted. He had been, there was no question about that, but that was information that only the team knew. Only her family. "Yes."

Tessa seemed to sense her reluctance to delve further than that. "JJ, we're done with the professional, okay? Everything I've asked you since I gave you the go-ahead to return to work is going to stay between you and me and everything we're going to talk about now or in the future."

"Dave's been an angel about it," JJ finally relented. "He's been great with Adam and Henry, he's been fantastic with everything that's been going on with me... He's been nothing but fantastic."

"So you're friends?"

"We were friends before Will died," JJ replied cautiously. She knew what leading questions often turned out to be. Not to mention it wouldn't be the first time she and Dave were mistaken as a couple.

Tessa closed her book and smiled. "Okay, I want you to think about something over the next couple of weeks okay?"

"You want our next meeting to be in a couple of weeks?"

"Of course not," the psychologist replied. "Just listen. Grief often breeds a sort of support system that can be as unhealthy as it can be healthy. It's normal for those who have suffered a loss as great as yours to find someone in particular to lean on, a 'crutch'. Some relationships with 'crutch people' can be healthy. Others can be damaging. I can see something underlying your relationship with Agent Rossi and I'd like for you to keep an eye on how much you rely and lean on him. As much as you may trust him, it's important for you to be able to stand on your own two feet without his help."

"You're telling me I should stop seeing him?"

"Not at all," Tessa argued. "I'm merely asking that you take stock of what kind of feelings you have for Agent Rossi and what kind of result those feelings could have on your emotional recovery."

* * *

JJ didn't feel lighter in spirits as she sat across from Dave, pushing her food around her plate. It was her favourite restaurant, her favourite lunch and still she couldn't bring herself to want to actually eat it. She was so lost in thought that she jumped when Dave settled a hand on hers.

"Everything okay, Cara?"

"Fine," JJ replied.

"Everything went well with Dr. Myers went well?"

"You know which shrink I saw? What next, you going to dig through her notes?" Her eyes slammed closed as soon as she'd said the words. JJ had been in denial that Dave was one of those 'crutches' Tessa had mentioned since the psychologist had uttered the word. Her relationship with Dave was too healthy to really matter, she told herself. He was her friend, not some sort of emotional crutch.

He waved a hand dismissively before she could really even think up the appropriate words for an apology. "You don't have to tell me everything you talk about, Jen, but I'd like to know how it went."

He was being patient with her, she could tell by the tone of his voice. So she took a breath, reminding herself that this was David Rossi, the man who, until Will's death, had worked his way into the position of Fourth Most Important Man in the Life of Jennifer Jareau. "We talked about the accident, she asked me some pretty routine questions, then we went through what happened after the accident."

For the most part, JJ still didn't remember the actual events that had led to her lying prone in a hospital bed, and Dave liked it better that way. There was nothing she could have done to stop the events, and the less she knew, the less likely she was to play it over and over and over again in her head, each time trying, and failing, to save her husband. Amnesia in his mind was preferable to that.

"And?"

"And I like her," JJ offered vaguely. "I have an appointment to see her next week."

"And she cleared you."

The blond actually smiled, a full-blown thing Dave realized he missed. "She cleared me. I'm back Monday."

"In which case," he said, raising his can of Sprite. "This calls for a celebratory toast."

She chuckled as the clinked soda cans. Yeah, she was going to be back. Just one more step on the road to recovery.

* * *

_**I'm not sure if I like how the scene in the psychologists office turned out, but I didn't want to delve into too much in just her first session. **_

**_I owe the biggest world of thanks to Tracia who helped me figure out how to go about JJ's therapy and a couple of other fantastic little plot points that are about to come up. You are fantastic, hon, and you pretty much saved my bum on this one!_**

**_Review?_**


	18. Chapter 17

**Alive**

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

A week later, JJ opened the door on a built African-American man. She smiled thankfully at him. "Thanks for coming Derek."

"For Henry? Anything I can do to help."

And JJ knew above anything else that he meant it. She stepped aside to allow him in, trying not to chew her lip, as was her habit.

Derek rested a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's going to be fine."

"I know," JJ replied with a heavy breath. "It's just… he's been so antagonistic with Dave, and the only other people he's really dealt with for an extended period of time are Em and Pen and-"

"I've been through this, remember?" Derek said with a relaxed smile. "I have a pretty good idea of what the kid is going through."

Which was the whole reason they'd even talked about it in the first place. Derek had lost his father to a shooting at a young age, and upon conferencing with Penelope and Emily, they'd all agreed that Derek was probably the best choice. Both deaths were senseless, though Will's was accidental. Either way, they figured if anyone knew what Henry was going through, it was going to be Derek.

"He's upstairs," JJ said, motioning to the aforementioned stairs. "In his room."

Derek nodded, climbing up to the second floor. He'd been here many-a-time for 'family functions' as they affectionately called them, so he knew the general layout of the house. And he knew which bedroom was Henry's.

Derek firmly agreed with JJ's decision to move back into the house. While Derek – and the rest of the team – really appreciated how much Dave had done in the way of JJ's recovery, they all were also very much aware of Dave's feelings for the blond. And her own feelings for him, but the second was something they were all keeping to themselves. It had always been obvious that there was something deeper than friendship between them, but back then, Will was in JJ's life and JJ did love him. She just also loved Dave.

His Goddess of the Technical Genius often referred to it as the "In Another Life" syndrome, whereby if JJ and Dave had met earlier, at another time, in another place, under different circumstances, it would be more likely that Henry and Adam would have been Rossis instead of LaMontagnes. Of course, Penelope also maintained that JJ would have been married long before Henry's birth if it had been Dave and not Will, but it didn't matter. At the end of the day, it wasn't that other life.

The point was that it was probably healthier for everyone involved that JJ had moved home and got her space from Dave. As much as Derek wanted to see JJ happy, he didn't want it at the expense of her sanity. That kind of a dependent relationship wasn't healthy, not when there was likely to be intimacy involved.

He shook his head as he approached Henry's door. Now wasn't the time to think of JJ and Rossi. Now was the time to focus on a kid who had lost his Dad and didn't know what to do. So he knocked on the door.

"Go away!"

"Now come on, that's no way to talk to Uncle Derek," Derek cajoled with a wide smile.

That made Henry open the door, and fast. Derek had to catch his balance as the kid rushed to hug him. "I thought you were Mr. Dave."

"Nah, kid. I'm so much cooler."

The wide adoring smile the kid favoured him with made his chest hurt a little bit. He'd bet the kid wasn't going to be happy with what he had in mind. But Derek's first goal was to get Henry out of the house. He hoped that it would be easier to talk to him without JJ hovering and without the added worries of Adam potentially bursting in.

"Come on. We'll go get hot chocolate or something."

"Yes!"

Derek smiled, realizing that someone should have thought of this sooner. It was obvious Henry wanted to get out of the house, wanted a change of scenery. He led the boy out the door, giving JJ a serious nod as he headed out the door.

He waited until they'd driven away, found a place, and got Henry the requisite hot chocolate before sitting with the boy. "Henry, we've gotta talk."

That made the boy freeze. Then he sighed. "I should have known better than to just think you were going to take me out."

"Hey, I wish I could have taken you out earlier and more often. You're my favourite oldest nephew."

"Uncle Derek, what is it?"

"Your mom wanted us to talk about your dad," Derek admitted, wrapping his arms around his cup of coffee.

Henry balked. "I don't want to talk about my dad."

"Yeah, I know," Derek agreed. "I didn't want to talk about my dad either when he was killed."

That had peaked Henry's interest, like he knew it would. "Your dad was killed?"

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "He was shot."

"How?"

"He was a cop. He was shot trying to stop a robbery. I was ten."

"He was a police officer?" Henry asked. "I didn't know your dad was a police officer."

"Yeah," Derek agreed. "And when he was killed, I was so mad at him. I was mad at the world. They took my dad away from me. I was just a kid."

Derek could tell by the way Henry wouldn't meet his eyes and by the way he was playing with his cup that at least something he'd said resonated with the young boy. "What did you do?"

"I got in trouble," the profiler replied candidly. "Lots of trouble"

Henry swallowed. "Bad trouble?"

"I got arrested," Derek agreed with a nod. "So many times that when there was a guy killing kids they suspected me. The team got me out."

"What changed?"

Derek shrugged. "I got into fighting. Officially. And I had a community leader take me on. He got me into football and it was football that got me through Northwestern University." Then he paused. "But you're angry at people too, aren't you?"

Henry continued not to meet his gaze, pretending he didn't ask the question.

"Henry, why are you mad at your Uncle Dave."

"Mr Dave," Henry corrected bitterly.

As if Derek didn't know that the kid was already intensely irritated with Dave. "Okay, why are you mad at Mr Dave?"

"He's trying to be my dad."

The African-American took a sip of his coffee as he regarded the young boy. "You sure about that?"

"He's always around," Henry argued. "He's not part of our family."

Derek wasn't about to argue about semantics. "He's been around to help your mom."

"We don't need his help. She's _my_ mom."

That was enough confirmation for Derek to understand things people had really only been speculating about. They'd assumed that because Will was a cop, he'd charged his eldest son with taking care of his mother should anything happen.

"Henry, I need you to just listen to me, okay, buddy?"

Henry looked at him dubiously. "You're going to take his side."

"I'm on _your_ side. I want what's best for you and that's why I'm going to tell you this, okay? But you have to promise me that you're going to listen to me and actually think about what I'm saying."

There was a moment of a stare down before Henry said. "I promise to listen."

Derek folded his fingers around his cup. "When my dad died, anyone who came around trying to help, especially if they were male, didn't sit right with me. I always thought they were trying to replace my dad too. But eventually, I realized that these people weren't trying to be my dad, they were just trying to help. It couldn't have been easy for my mom to raise three kids, and I wasn't an angel."

The profiler paused. "I think you're mixing up Mr Dave wanting to help with Mr Dave trying to infringe on your family."

Henry's brow wrinkled. "Infringe?"

"Be more of a part of your family than he really is," Derek explained. "All Mr Dave wants to do is help your mom. She's got you two and she's working and now she doesn't have your dad to help. Your mom and Mr Dave have always been closer than anyone else on the team."

"That's not true!" Henry argued. "She's got Aunt Em and Aunt Pen. And I like them better than Mr Dave."

"You're not listening," the elder accused. "Mr Dave _isn't_ trying to be your dad, Henry. He's trying to make it easier on your mom, who, remember, lost someone she loves very, very much." Then he leaned forward. "Mr Dave didn't kill your dad. And I know how hard it can be to see people who are trying to help as just that, but someday, Henry, you're going to have to let go of that anger and you're going to find that all Mr Dave wanted to do from the beginning was help. He loves your mom and he loves you and Adam."

"But he's not my dad."

There were tears in the kid's eyes now and Derek actually found himself uncomfortable. He didn't want Henry to think he couldn't cry, but he had no idea how to help. Whenever Henry had cried in the past, JJ had always been there. "You're right. And Dave knows he's not your dad. He wants your mom to be happy and so long as you're fighting with Dave, your mom's not going to be happy."

"I want my dad back." And he burst into tears.

* * *

**_Tracia, I hope I did the conversation justice! Thanks again for all the help you've given me in getting through the next couple of chapters!_**


	19. Chapter 18

**Alive**

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

Dave was cranky and grumpy. He had been almost since JJ moved out. His house seemed too damned quiet since she'd left. He missed having her around, missed the way she snuggled into his side as he watched the evening news and she dozed on his chest. He missed her dancing round the kitchen when it was her turn to cook, missed her playing with Adam on the floor when he got come from Quantico... He just missed her.

And he couldn't talk to Hotch. Not only did Dave often feel guilty when he pulled Hotch away from his family, but he had a feeling Hotch wouldn't offer him anything new. Not to mention that Hotch had his own soft spot for the blond media liaison. Dave wasn't a hundred percent sure which metaphorical side his once-protégée would take.

He watched the scotch swirl around in his glass, his heart and mind dark. He was just about to give in to his urge to just pick up the damned phone, just to hear her voice, ignoring the little gremlin in his head telling him he was absolutely pathetic, when the door bell rang.

But it wasn't JJ on the other side of the door. "Do you have a radar or something?"

The grin that greeted him was as unrepentant now as it had been years ago, one that hadn't changed over decades of friendship. "Is that any way to greet an old friend?" Jimmy replied, unfazed by Dave's prickly greeting.

Dave stepped aside, tossing back the rest of his scotch. "Let me get you a glass."

"Please," Jimmy replied, closing the door behind him.

Dave went through the motions of pouring the alcohol without much thought. He passed the new glass to his long-time friend as they both took seats in the living room.

Jimmy waited a moment, sipping on the alcohol. "So what's got you twisted up?"

The profiler knocked back half of his glass. "Take a guess."

Jimmy arched an eyebrow.

"Jen."

"Ah," the priest nodded sagely. It wasn't Jimmy's first exposure to the issue of the media liaison. The woman had been a metaphorical thorn in Dave's love like for years. Even her marriage and second child didn't seem to make a dent in the feelings Dave had harboured for her.

Dave swirled the glass he held. "Her husband was killed in a car accident."

"When?" Jimmy asked, immediately coming to attention.

"Months ago," Dave replied, waving almost dismissively. "Almost killed her too. Has it really been that long?"

"She's okay?"

"Physically, she's fine. Mentally and emotionally... we're still recovering. She's talking to the Bureau shrink."

Jimmy smirked. "She's good."

"The best,' Dave agreed with a glare. As if he wouldn't have made the requisite checks on someone JJ was planning on spilling her secrets to.

"Then what's the problem?" Jimmy inquired. "She's single, she's recovered –"

"I don't want anything between us to be blurred in with the fact that she lost the man she swore to love forever."

"If I remember correctly you did too. Three times."

"You're not helping," Dave griped.

Jimmy held up his hands. "Then what do you want me to say?"

Dave's shoulders slumped.

In actuality, Jimmy understood his current dilemma. He'd seen this situation before in young widows, in those that found someone new and weren't sure if it was 'right' to love again.

"And that's not even... There's two kids involved Jim. One who doesn't understand what's going on and the other, that understands too well."

Jimmy folded his hands in his lap, scotch long forgotten. "Start from the beginning."

So Dave did, telling his long-time friend about it all, from her recovery, to Henry's anger, to his complete confusion about where to go from here.

"She... If either of us wants to make a 'we' work, she has to be the Jen she was before Will was killed."

"And you don't think she's there yet?"

"I want to believe she is, if only because that gives us a chance," Dave replied with a heavy sigh. "But to be honest, Jimmy... I don't know what to think."

"Well, Davey," Jimmy said with a wide smile. "You're on the right track."

Dave sighed. "We both know patience isn't one of my stronger points."

Jimmy stood up, moving to put a friendly hand on the profiler's shoulder. "In this case, I'm sure it'll pay off." Then the priest smiled. "Scotch?"

* * *

There was definitely an extra spring in JJ's step as she made her way down the hall to Tessa's office. She felt terribly normal. She was back at the BAU, back to a routine with her boys… it felt normal. It felt good. The fact that she was doing it all on her own really only bolstered her self-confidence. In her mind, she had only a handful of hurdles left.

One: Henry.

He was still angry. He was still angry with Dave. Talking to Derek had helped and bonded the two males together, but he was still stuck on taking up too many responsibilities of the household. Nevertheless, he was starting to have more and more moments of simple childhood and that made JJ's heart warm.

Two: Cases.

They had yet to be whisked away on a case, or more appropriately, it had been only half an hour before her appointment that she had found a case for the team to tackle. She had a plan in place for her boys, so that didn't concern her, but really, she wasn't sure how to handle that.

Three: Dave.

It was her most troubling and alluring problem all at the same time. She'd done as Tessa suggested and taken the time to think about what role Dave had in her life. She knew what she wanted. But she was absolutely terrified that everything in her heart was an illusion. What if it was all simply an extremely deep gratitude?

But that didn't include sexual heat, did it? It was a question she was planning on asking Tessa in their session. Did the kind of over-reliant relationship Tessa had warned her about include that heated attraction that lived low in her stomach?

"JJ! You look happy today," Tessa greeted with a wide smile.

JJ grinned back. "I am happy," she responded. "I'm back at work, my boys have a routine…"

"And Agent Rossi?" Tessa inquired as she took a seat.

JJ sighed heavily. Of course Tessa would automatically jump to Dave. "It's one of very few issues I have yet to resolve," she admitted.

Tessa simply cocked her head to the side. By this point, the women were friends as much as they were psychologist and patient. Tessa didn't need to ask JJ to elaborate.

"I took your advice," the blond replied. "I took time to think long and hard about what my relationship with Dave was. I don't think I only rely on him because of the emotional support. I don't think he's just a crutch."

"May I ask why?" Tessa inquired.

JJ felt her cheeks head with a blush. "I want him," she admitted quietly.

"It's okay to want him," Tessa was quick to reassure the agent. "The fraternization rules are there to make agents think twice before jumping into a drunken one night stand."

"This is the man with three ex-wives," JJ protested.

"JJ, you've 'wanted' Agent Rossi, as you so aptly put it, for a while," Tessa pointed out. "Now you're not sure?"

"That I want him? Of course I'm sure," JJ replied, resting a hand over the butterflies in her stomach. "But everyone knows his reputation, It's not exactly encouraging."

Tessa chewed her lip for a moment. "Officially I can't condone any relationship between agents. But unofficially, no man with David Rossi's reputation is going to stick so closely to a woman with two small boys that is emotionally unstable after losing their husband and _not _take advantage of that emotional instability if he doesn't want more."

JJ felt a warmth flood through her system. It was one thing for someone like Emily to say that Dave wanted her too, it was another to hear it from someone not involved with both of them. "But being scared is normal, right?"

Tessa chuckled slightly. "Of course it's normal."

"Then what do I do?"

"Try slow," Tessa suggested. "Like a real relationship. Start with small touches, flirting, teasing. Henry is still angry with Agent Rossi, correct?"

"We've tried everything," JJ answered in agreement, understanding that so long as Henry was angry with Dave, there was going to be no advancement in her relationship with the other agent.

"It's okay, it's just going to take time," Tessa reassured, referring to both Henry and her relationship with Dave. "No matter what recovery he's made, he's still a kid that lost his father."

JJ nodded slowly.

"Okay," Tessa said, glancing at her watch. "I hate to cut this so short but if I remember your message correctly you have a briefing?"

JJ's eyes shot to her watch. "In ten minutes. We have a case."

Both women stood. Tessa reached out for JJ at the door. "Remember, you _have_ been cleared for duty," the psychologist said. "That includes cases and field work. When you're out there, remember that you can do your job." Tessa knew the most important thing, especially knowing the past of the unit, was making sure JJ knew she could do her job. The worst thing she could start to do is question her own decisions.

JJ impulsively reached out, hugging the woman who was now as much of her friend as her psychologist. "Thank you, Tessa."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Hotch was calling for the jet and ordering the team to grab their bags. JJ collected her files and headed back to her office. She was double-checking her go-bag when there was a knock on her doorframe.

"Hey Dave," she greeted.

Dave leaned against the doorframe. "You sure you're ready to go on a case? None of us would think less of you if you decided to stay back."

"I'm fine," JJ replied, with a smile. "Ready to do my job."

"You have nothing to prove, Jen. We know you can do your job," Dave responded.

"I'm not saying you are."

Dave paused a moment. "Work from Quantico, Jen."

Her hands went to her hips, ready bag forgotten. "You've never questioned me before," she said.

"You've been back at work a week. Do you really think you're ready for a case?" Dave tried soothingly, realizing that he was starting to irritate her.

"Of course I do," JJ replied. "And so does Tessa."

She could tell by the look on his face that regardless of the fact that he'd seen the psychologist's report that he still wasn't sure. Nevertheless, he said, "Jen, I'm not questioning your abilities. I would never do that."

She went back through her bag again, having to focus on something else. "Look, I'm back. I was damned good at my job before the accident," she said. How dare he say he wasn't questioning her abilities! That's _exactly_ what he was doing. "I'm still damned good at my job. Nothing's changed Rossi."

Dave jolted. It had been a long times since JJ had spit out his name with so much contempt. Part of him revelled in the fire that was now once again reflected in her eyes. Another part of him went cold, wondering if questioning her abilities had done more harm than good.

* * *

**_Yay!_**

**_Next up, hopefully, is "Northern Star", then "When Everything" for those of you that follow either of them. The JJ/Rossi chapter will be the next one on "Northern Star"_**

**_Please drop me some feedback?_**


	20. Chapter 19

**Alive**

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

Dave would never admit that JJ ignoring him for the majority of their case ate at him. Never. But it did.

He hadn't meant to piss her off. He hadn't meant to put doubt in her mind. He'd been worried, very worried, because she was JJ. Field clearance or not he'd always gotten a bit anxious when the media liaison had to do anything dangerous. The minute he saw her strapping on a bulletproof vest his heartrate invariably jumped and his blood pressure spiked.

God, he'd always harboured something for her and though he may have broken his promises to love and cherish for the rest of his life, he would never ask JJ to do the same thing. Except now, he wouldn't be asking her to. Now it would be her decision, and hers alone, not that he hadn't been trying to speed along the process.

But, yeah, he'd gone and screwed up.

He wouldn't change it. Not really. He'd still ask her if a case was what she was ready for, if the field was what she was ready for, but he'd also had enough time to think and realize that nothing would have changed. She would still be here because she needed to be, because they needed her to be. Tragedy aside, there was nothing that could rival the comfort of having the whole team back together again. Nothing.

But he felt… shoved aside. Logically, he knew he had been. JJ was mad at him. She was pissed. In her position, he could understand it. But dammit, he _cared_! He didn't want her jumping into things she wasn't ready for, didn't want her taking on more than she could chew. She'd been back _a week_.

_Well, it's either dive right in or confront my separation anxiety._

The line, her words, her voice, floated through his head unbidden. She'd said that the day she came back from maternity leave with Henry. Dave dropped his head back on the chair of his hotel room. Hotch had sent them to their separate corners when Reid and JJ had started snapping at each other and Dave had immediately poured himself a scotch from the minibar. Four couples, smothered to death, and they were still in the preliminary stages of their profile. It was a crappy situation.

A crappy situation made crappier by his stupid protective instinct and Jennifer Jareau. He swirled the scotch as his eyes glazed over. It wasn't his fault, really. He wanted her safe and he wanted her happy, was that too much to ask? Agents who came back early hurt themselves and hurt others. It was common knowledge that the BAU could run circles around the Bureau psychologists – in fact he was pretty sure the psychologists on pay roll felt like they'd lost a bet when they got assigned a behavioural analyst – and because it was JJ, he'd just wanted to be completely sure she could handle coming back to work. That was all. It. Period.

Losing one parent was bad enough, but if a stupid decision left to Henry and Adam losing two parents? Well, Dave knew he'd never forgive himself. So, he probably could have been more delicate about it and it probably would have saved him the headache he was currently suffering from. He hated that he'd pissed her off. Seriously pissed her off. It broke his heart because this was _big_.

And he wanted to fix it.

He knocked on her hotel room door, unsurprised when the only greeting she offered him was a glare.

"Go away."

"Jen, I'm sorry."

It made her pause. And it was enough.

"I know you're good at your job. You're _the best_ at your job. I didn't mean to make you think I was doubting you."

"You questioned me."

"I did. Because I worry about you."

"Oh come, on Dave."

He simply arched an eyebrow.

She stepped back, allowing him entrance, then she paced to the door. She looked up at him from the other side of the room. "You questioned me."

She was stuck on it, and he hated it. "I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"It's not how I meant it."

"Not how you meant it? Do you have any idea what having _you_ of all people, question me does to my faith in myself?"

"Cara, you can't-" He sighed and closed the door behind him. "Don't hold me in such high regard."

"Says the man who managed to entrench himself in my life years ago."

Years ago made him feel better. Years ago meant before Will's death. "You never cared before."

"You've never questioned me before."

"I've _never_ questioned you."

"Dave, just did! You questioned _me_. You questioned _my abilities in the field_. I'm not some princess to keep in a tower! I'm an FBI agent and how many times have we gone over the fact that I want to be well again I don't want to be living in the shadow of Will's death forever and-"

Dave did the only thing he'd been able to think of. He leaned in and sealed his mouth over hers. He cupped her cheek when he pulled away. "I would _never_ question your ability to do your job, sweetheart. That was _never_ my intention."

JJ was utterly floored. Dave had just kissed her. Actually kissed her. "David-"

"I _believe_ in you. I always have."

"Stop," she said quietly.

Dave blinked at the blond in front of him as his hand dropped. She looked utterly shocked, flabbergasted even, and confused. "Cara?"

"You kissed me."

His mind raced quickly, trying to come up with a plausible reason as to why. "I couldn't think of a way to get you to listen to me."

That wasn't what he wanted to say. That had been part of it, sure, but she was gorgeous when she was yelling. There was a spark of passion in her eyes that he missed dearly as she recovered. But the last thing he wanted to do was push her into something, put something else on her shoulders. She'd handled herself beautifully in the field for their case, but that didn't mean that she was ready for a relationship, that she was ready to think of forever. But as he watched JJ's face, he could tell she didn't believe him.

"Don't try that with me, Dave. You told me two things: one, you would never lie to me and two, that it's been years since you kissed a woman without a reason for it. And we both know shutting me up is not a good enough reason." Her words were soft, confused, looking for answers.

"Jen-"

"Don't." Her hand came up, cupping his cheek in a gesture that surprised him. "You're going to say something you don't mean. You're going to lie to me."

He leaned his forehead against hers. "Okay," he whispered. What was he supposed to say? What did she want him to say? She didn't want him to lie, but he was almost one hundred percent sure she didn't want the truth either. "I don't know what you want me to say."

Her eyes darted between his, as best they could with their faces so close together. "How long?"

"How long what?" He couldn't stop himself from reaching out, from finding the curve of her waist.

"How long have you wanted to kiss me?" she asked after a moment.

Shit. He'd shoved himself well and truly into a corner, hadn't he? He couldn't lie to her because he wouldn't break a promise to her, but he wasn't sure the truth wouldn't just skip past that and break her. "A long time."

"How long, Dave?"

"Years."

Her breath was audible when she sucked it in, maybe because they were so close. "Before Will? Before we got married?"

This time, he laughed bitterly to himself. "Long before your wedding, Cara."

She pulled back, but not away. "Before Will. And you didn't say anything." She loved Will, she had and she knew a part of her still did, but she'd always had a soft spot for David Rossi too. If he'd said something… was it bad that she was picturing Henry and Adam as his?

"I'm old, Jen. And I'm not a prime catch, even if I was once."

"You don't get to make that decision."

"I- What?"

JJ couldn't stop the small smile from twitching at her mouth. "You don't get to decide whether or not you're a prime catch. That's in the eye of the beholder."

"Thank you, Hallmark," he teased.

"Don't mock me," she scolded, but the smile was doing more than twitching now. "You don't get to make the decisions in terms of what I need in a man." She shook her head when he opened his mouth. "I'm the one that knows what I want. What you think I want is irrelevant because it doesn't fit."

"You don't know it doesn't fit."

"Of course I know," she argued back quietly, leaning her forehead in to rest against his again. "I know what I want. I'm not emotionally crippled. You're not an anchor or a Binkie and this isn't some twisted Stockholm Syndrome."

He blinked. "You want…"

She swallowed as she took a chance, stepping in and sliding her arms around him. "You."

"You don't." But he didn't pull away. He stroked a thumb over the cheek he still held and slid his hand down to her hip. "You don't want me."

"I do," she replied, feeling supremely confident despite his resistance. "I'm not helpless or stupid. I'm not blind."

"God, Jen." He kissed her, because he could and because she was letting him, pouring himself and years of pent up emotion into what was becoming a not-so-simple meeting of mouths. She didn't stand passive though. She responded, pushed him just as hard as he pushed her.

"We have to take this at a snail's pace," she said, partially in apology when they finally broke. Her chest was heaving, every breath brushing against his chest. He felt so good this close, warm and strong and solid. "I can't risk upsetting Henry and Adam." Not again.

Dave couldn't say he cared how slow they went. This felt like the opportunity of a lifetime, years of work finally bearing fruit. And what beautiful fruit it was. Dave was a romantic at heart, had wanted a family for more than quite some time and if he was careful, if he was cautious, he could have that. He knew it. He would never take Will's place, but that didn't mean he couldn't take his own. "I don't want to be their dad, Jen."

And that, right there, was why she wanted him. He understood where she was coming from, the predicament she was in, and there was no one else she truly wanted to finish her recovery with than him. "You can't question me."

"I wasn't." He didn't mean to.

"Dave." But the rebuke in her voice was gentle. "You have to let me do my job. This will not work if you don't let me do my job."

"I trust you," he said, brushing the words against her lips. _I love you_.

"Good. Then we can make this work."

He tucked hair behind her ear. "You want to make this work?"

"I do," she replied. _So badly_. In fact, sometimes it was scary how much she wanted them to work.

Holy shit. His heart leapt. "Then I can take you to dinner when we're back in DC?"

JJ smiled, leaned in and kissed him again. "I'd really like that."


End file.
